Epilogue to UNHEARD: a memoir by Susanna Hartigan
The epilogue was not included in my ebook, so I wanted to post it here for those who purchased it.
Capitalizing the title UNHEARD was intentional, because it represents the things inside of us that are screaming to be heard. I had often asked myself “Why me?” and wondered what was wrong with me as a person, because I had had so many difficulties in many relationships. I hated myself for many years, judging myself harshly for any little mistake that I made, continually finding myself in self-destructive patterns, and wanting to end my life. For years, I chose friends and lovers that did not serve my spiritual well being. Instead, I was choosing what I had known – I had allowed others to bully me, insult me, and treat me with inhumane disrespect. No matter how hard I tried, I didn’t see the patterns and heartache that I was causing myself. Acknowledging my mistakes was my first step towards healing. As difficult as it was, I knew that another step towards the healing process was to cut ties with any and all virulent relationships, even if it meant long-term friends and my own family members.
Writing UNHEARD was a great form of therapy for me. Being my own editor forced me to review the patterns in significant relationships throughout my life. It enlightened me in more ways than years of counseling had accomplished. I had finally begun to realize that all of my adult relationships were being replayed from my childhood.
I cannot blame anyone for my own weaknesses, nor can I continue to condemn myself. Alternatively, I can only learn from my experiences and accept them for what they are; it is the only way to move on.
UNHEARD is the first of a series of memoirs in the making. In writing UNHEARD, my intention is to help others who are also struggling with the same demons, with the hope that they may find the healing they need and deserve.