The Worst Kayaking Date

Prior to my last post, I met a guy at the beach while looking for seaglass. He was my age, had grown kids, and liked to make creative things, so I felt we might have some common ground. We spoke about kayaking and made a date to do it the following week.

When the day finally arrived, he couldn’t get the kayak on his car, and he canceled at the last minute, so I decided I’d just go to the beach instead. I was a little frustrated with his lack of communication and planning. Then about an hour later he said he was on his way. I was confused as to what he was talking about since everything was by text, and his communication was unclear. He’d borrowed a truck to take the kayak. He had to come to my house to pick up my kayak, but asked me to drive my own car, because the truck was literally full of garbage and didn’t have enough room for me.

We launched at a place near my house, found an island to eat lunch and listen to music. At some point he made it clear he wanted to have sex with me, but that wasn’t going to happen. I mean, we hadn’t even kissed, and he was just being… well, weird. He decided he wanted to leave the island shortly after. I had to pee in the woods before loading up, and when I came back out, he was gone. He totally left me, and even by the time I rounded the corner, he was clear out of sight. So he must have really been hauling ass. By the time I paddled back to the launch area, his truck was gone. I wasn’t sure how in the hell I was getting my kayak back to the house, so I just paddled to a nearby sandbar and slammed a few beers while figuring out what to do.

Then he texted me. Said someone stole his kayak. I said well that sucks, but thinking this is karma for ditching me. I tried to ask what happened, where was he when it happened, because his truck was gone by the time I came back. He said he went to use the bathroom, and when he came out it was gone. I suggested making a police report, but I don’t think he ever did. I managed to shove my kayak into my car and hoped I made it home safely.

The following day, he started sending me text messages accusing me of stealing his kayak. I literally laughed out loud, and said with what, my magical powers? I reminded him I was still paddling and he’d left me on the island. He tried calling me, but I was driving and let it go to voicemail. He was still accusing me of stealing his kayak. I couldn’t understand why in the hell he could even think it was possible. Then he said he had my neighbors check their video surveillance and a car that looked like mine had a green kayak like his hanging out of it. I said good luck with that, but I have no reason to steal your cheap kayak and could barely get my own kayak home. Besides, why would I suggest filing a police report if I stole the damn thing? I realized he was total batshit crazy.

He didn’t stop with the accusations. He even went as far to suggest I planned to steal it by having someone else do it. I said that’s ridiculous, and I’m not going to argue anymore so don’t contact me again. He kept contacting me and I eventually blocked him. Thankfully, I never ran into him again!