I read that for every year of a relationship, it takes that many months to get over. Other articles I’ve read have said that it can take six weeks, and still others have said 18 months. Well, none of them have been correct so far. It hasn’t quite been a year yet for me, and sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose my frigging mind. I bounce back and forth between “I’m over this for good, now I can move on”… to “I still don’t understand and I want answers so I can move on.” I don’t know how else to force myself to forget about a certain person or make those thoughts go away. Here I was thinking I’m finally done and can be myself again … YAY!!! … and quickly reminded that I’ve brought up the subject too many times to be truly healed and over something. Yes, it sucks to hear the awful truth, but it is what it is.
Some breakups are easy to heal from, especially when you’re just sick of that person’s shit or never felt that close to them to begin with. Others, not so much – like when you know you were in love and you have no closure and/or it ended abruptly. The other day when I wrote this blog about OC, I was in a good mood and felt like I had clarity and was truly over everything. But then I saw him in town again yesterday and felt angry and hurt all over again. WTF is wrong with me? I keep thinking to myself.
Then today I was reading something written by Shannon Kaiser‘s “Find Your Happy Daily Mantra Deck”. It was card number 17, and it read:
“I am compassionate with myself. It takes time to heal.”
She explains that it’s basically a grieving process and even though others may tell you that you need to get over something, to follow your true self and trust what you know is best for you.
I mean, I’m the only person on earth that truly knows how I feel inside and how I felt about that person, and those feelings went deeper than I knew could happen. The only thing I can do, I suppose, is to just force myself to get out of the house and do all of the things I used to do prior to and during the time we were together. Be more active, workout more, eat better, write more, etc… I guess now it’s just finding that motivation to do so.
Free The Burden 
I always thought those formulas were idiotic. Every person and relationship is different. You don’t wake up one morning and say, ‘Time’s up, now I’m over it.’ Getting over my ex-husband did not take long at all. Getting over all the scars my marriage left me with took years.
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Exactly! However, I wish I could just wake up and say “time’s up”…
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Eva is so right. We are all individuals. The hardest thing is having to see them all the time. If I was in that position I’d be a walking, bleeding and wounded heart 24/7!
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Yes, I sometimes feel like a complete trainwreck, then I pick myself up and keep going. It’s been a rough inner ride.
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It obviously depends on the relationship that was there and the individual. So, don’t focus on mourning time. The first 6 weeks is hard, but after that there will still be occasional thoughts and reminders. Yes, it can take as long as 2 years, sometimes people don’t even know they are still mourning, but it has an impact (such as not getting into new relationships or changing lifestyles). Thus, as I always say, take this time to focus on yourself. You are number 1 right now, and do the things that impact you. Whether it is taking time for yourself and doing things that you considered a luxury.
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