When I was in my late 20s I ended up in a phase of dating cops. I guess it started when I came out of a very short but abusive relationship and had to have a restraining order on the person. For whatever reason, I suppose dating cops made me feel “safe,” but I couldn’t have been more wrong. For the most part, every one of them turned out to be liars and cheaters. One in particular turned out to be married with a pregnant wife, even though he claimed he’d never been married. Not too long afterwards, he turned out to be a dirty cop and ended up getting fired and having his name all over the local news.
Recently, I was using the Bumble app to meet people for outdoor activities. I matched with someone that had common interests, but we lived a distance from each other. After chatting with him for a while, I decided I wanted to meet him, because he seemed genuinely nice and said sometimes he comes to my area. He also happened to be a police officer, which usually would turn me off, but he seemed very unlike the typical arrogant nutty cop.
We arranged to meet at a sports bar, and I was immediately both comfortable with and attracted to him – which is really unusual for me. We had a lot in common that I don’t find in other people, and the connection was strong. He complimented me and built me up, told me how much he likes my energy and we agreed that we were both equally connected to one another. He told me how much he liked my artwork and that he’s an art collector. I was also impressed that he’s more intelligent than a lot of men that I meet – that he actually reads books and believes in many of the same spiritual things that I do.
I hadn’t felt this way since I dated OC a year ago, which worried me. I was worried, because I don’t want to be hurt again, and the worry grew when all Sgt. Flip wanted to do was text me and never speak to me on the phone. Now, if someone is working, I can understand if he cannot speak on the phone. But the times he wasn’t working he was busy texting me instead of having a real conversation like an adult. Then it just annoyed me that a middle aged man didn’t want to speak to me for whatever reason but feigned interest in me. I began to notice he was either avoiding some of my questions or didn’t bother reading them or felt it unnecessary to answer me. Who knows. It was two days prior to the arrangement we had made for him to come visit me, and I still didn’t know if he was coming for sure or at what time. He just refused to call me, which I felt was completely odd and shady, and made me think he was with someone else – because that has been my past experience.
By then I grew frustrated, because I felt I was being played. I felt he was playing typical cop games, and I didn’t appreciate someone who supposedly liked me to treat me as such. I mean, how difficult is it to just call someone that you’re making plans to visit? I expressed my concern with him that I clearly see he was avoiding questions, and I was beginning to feel like he’s a typical cop and I don’t have time for games. I let him know that I was suspicious, as any woman would be.
He flipped a switch on me so fast, I thought it was a completely different person I was texting. I guess calling Sgt. Flip out on his bullshit and calling him a typical cop struck a nerve, because then he came back at me full speed. Instead of calling me like a real man would have to straighten out the situation, Sgt. Flip called me a “serial dater who blogs about her screwed up dating experiences like a wannabe ‘Sex in the City’ character.” He claimed he’d been completely honest with me and now I’m “throwing away a completely honest guy.” And then Sgt. Flip said this: “your writing is awful and your ‘art’ is even worse. Sorry, not sorry. You’re blocked.”
Wow. I wasn’t throwing anyone away – I simply wanted Sgt. Flip to call me the way a man who is truly interested in me and cared about me would. So I guess he was fake liking me the entire time and fake liked my art? I suppose he was faking that he was even coming to visit me at all, since he decided it was okay not to call me and have a conversation about it. I hadn’t even realized he bothered to read my blog, because he never once mentioned it to me… (which is obviously far from Sex in the City, since there is NO sex in my blog…) also making me wonder if he actually read the content.
I’ve been single for four and a half years after having been married for eight, so yeah, I date people, because that’s what single people do, right? It’s not like dating is fun. I just haven’t found the right person, and after this incident, I don’t really care to meet anyone anymore. It just seems like a lot of work, a lot of unnecessary games, and a complete waste of time and energy for a shitty result.
Anyone that knows me and truly understands me and my writing and all of the bullshit I’ve dealt with would never say those hurtful words to me. All of this all because I wanted a phone call, and Sgt. Flip couldn’t handle that. And that is why I don’t date cops.
I’m sorry your had your fears realised. Some people use text to hide behind because they don’t actually want to connect with a real person. I suggest keeping your writing off the agenda with future dates, especially your blog. That was a low blow – what a coward to ‘block’ you and give you no right of reply. Pathetic.
I agree. I have only told a few select “dates” about it. Most aren’t even interested enough to bother looking. And yes, you’re right – I learned he blocked me immediately after that text, because when I tried to reply the “delivered” message was not there. He was obviously hiding something!
Omg.. ok, I realize this was written almost a year ago but I also had a horrible experience with a cop. The calling thing is familiar to me also but this man also did some real emotional damage to me. I’m currently finding out more and more things about this guy. It makes me sick to my stomach that these guys can get away with this!
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Hi, sorry about your experience! Due to their jobs, they learn to be master manipulators, often using gaslighting, and are inclined to be emotional abusers. Run away now before it’s too late! Good luck!
Omg! I dated a cop too who turned out to be absolutely insane. He was recently all over the news for illegal activity, had a kid I never knew about, raped someone, and was evicted. He was super controlling and manipulative. These guys are crazy! Stay away!
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Oh wow, that sounds like a nightmare! He sounds like a true psychopath, and it seems like that job seems to attract that type.
First guy I met 6 mo after my divorce was a cop who said he was divorced with two kids. I found out otherwise that in fact he was still married. I’ve met other cops who are up front about their situation. I prefer upfront and you decide what u want to do then be lied to.
I don’t understand why people like that go around hurting others. Extremely selfish assholes!
I enjoyed your blog and the comments below and find them to be helpful in my quest to move on from my cop ex-boyfriend. We dated for over a year and broke up just over a month ago. I feel like I should be relieved to be out of the relationship, but I’m more so sad and confused. He accused me of flirting with two of his friends fairly early on in the relationship because I touched their arms when I was talking to them. He was hyperaware of my phone activity and confronted me several times with his suspicions that I was searching or messaging other men on Facebook. I made the mistake of clearing my search history on Facebook one time because I was afraid if I happened to look up a male friend of mine he would take it the wrong way, instead he got mad because he thought I had something to hide and then never forgave for me it and brought it up everytime we got in an argument. He asked me if I had cheated on him one time because he saw bloody tissue in the trashcan of my guest bathroom and he thought another guy had came over and had sex with me while I was on my period and he proceeded to look at my bedsheets for stains. I had actually cut my foot on a piece of glass on my kitchen floor a few days prior and used the tissue to stop the bleeding. We had what I thought was a great night at a beach bar that ended with him asking me why another guy at the bar was looking at me at the end of the night and furthermore my boyfriend accused me of cutting my eyes away from him while we were dancing to check out this random guy at the bar. First of all, I didn’t notice any guy looking at me in an inappropriate way and I cut my eyes away from my BF while dancing because I can’t stare at him or anyone else for a prolonged amount of time. Our relationship ended recently when he called me to say that it bothered him that when we’re in the car together and I’m in my text message list or google searching on my phone that I shift my body and tilt my phone in a way that makes it seem like I’m hiding something. He noted when I’m doing things like typing an actual text or searching weather or restaurant menus that I do not position my phone this way. I told him that however my body or phone is positioned that it was not my intention to hide anything from him. He did not like my response and said he wanted me to “fix it” and hold the phone straight out it front of me. We argued about it over multiple phone convos that evening and abruptly broke up. I didn’t fight to save the relationship like I have several times before, I just let it happen. He never laid a hand on me but I had been beginning to wonder if there was emotional abuse going on and the thought of moving forward in the relationship with him was beginning to make me very nervous. I had caught him in a couple of lies and the fact that he is so obsessed with cheating and deception made me wonder if he wasn’t in fact engaging in that behavior himself. I wasn’t perfect in the relationship but I never once cheated on him or had any desire to be on the lookout for someone better when I was with him.
Thanks again for your blog! I was googling online for stories about the experiences of other women who had dated cops like myself :).
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Wow! He sounds extremely insecure! So many red flags there.
Unless there is a history of cheating, it sounds like he himself has a guilty conscience. I probably have more cop stories to post, so I will try to think back. Thanks for your input and interest, and good luck on the next guy.