Fun Messing with a Telemarketer

Yesterday I received a call from a number that I had previously declined. But this time I was in a funny mood and decided to answer. The caller sounded like a young male and asked for me by my married name, so I knew it was another seller. It turned out to be a self-publishing book company that I had inquired about nearly 10 years ago!

I feigned a foreign accent that was something between Spanish and Chinese… (don’t ask how I came up with that lol). He said his name was Josh, and even though the number showed it was from Indiana, he said he was in the Philippines (but he had no accent, sounded completely American). The conversation went something like this:

Me: Oh hi Josh, what are you wearing?

Josh: (paused) A grey T-shirt.

Me: A grey t-shirt? Oh wow, is that it? No pants?

Josh: Yes, I’m wearing pants.

Me: Oh you should take them off. Your shirt, too… I want to hear your coworkers cheer you on.

Josh: I can’t take my pants off. I’m in an office and people are on phones.

Me: But I bet everyone will have fun. You should take your shirt off and do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight. (It was hard for me to hold it together.)

Josh was kind of laughing and trying to read his script, but I interrupted him.

Me: How old are you Josh?

Josh: 23

Me: Ohhhhh 23… I love that! Do you like cougars?

Josh: (chuckles) Yes, I like cougars.

Me: I’m not talking about the animal. You like older women?

Josh: Sure, I like older women.

Me: Nice. I bet you’d look really good with that grey T-shirt off. (I’m really laughing but trying not to, and I think by then I’d forgotten my fake accent.)

Josh was still trying to sell me book stuff but I can’t remember what he said. He also mentioned that this call was being recorded.

Me: Oh good, glad they’re recording it. Maybe I can play the conversation to my friends. Maybe I can write a book about cougars. Cubs and cougars, you know?

Josh: Yeah you should do that. Write about that.

Me: But I don’t know enough cubs to write a whole book about. Maybe you could be part of the book! I do have a blog though.

Josh: You should write a book about that. (He kept trying to sell still but I kept interrupting.)

Me: Are you still wearing your clothes? I’m at the beach and not wearing any. You should come down and take your clothes off.

At some point I could tell that Josh’s supervisor was probably trying to get him off the phone. Either the phone cut out or Josh was told to cut the call, because everything went silent. Maybe they finally took me off of their damn calling list!