On Being Sick and Alone

If you’ve been following my blog, you may remember that I became very sick at the beginning of the year. During the brief time I was seeing Mr. Mixed Messages, I came down with whatever sinus/head cold crap he had, which turned into the flu and eventually pneumonia. Being that I’m a natural caregiver, I offered to help Mr. Mixed Messages, asking if he needed anything, maybe some homemade chicken soup… but he declined, apparently had someone else to take care of him. But when the tables were turned, he offered me nothing, not even a text asking how was I feeling.

After being sick for nearly three months, I quickly came to realize who my real friends were. Nearby friends that never once asked how I was doing or if I needed anything, I realized were no friends at all. And the fuckboys that always wanted to “hang out” instead of help out had no place in my life.

Not only is being sick and single lonely and difficult, it’s a financial disaster when I have to miss work. Already struggling, having no income is a double edged sword that causes more stress and a vicious cycle that has taken its toll on both my physical and mental health. (More about this cycle in another post.)

The past few months I’ve barely dated at all. Either I’m working too much or I just have no interest in dating anyone I meet. Not enough in common, age differences, and emotionally unavailable are just a few reasons among other things as to why. But still, I meet people that want to “hang out”. Most of the time, I just decline.

Fast forward to today. I’ve been sick again with an awful upper respiratory illness for almost two weeks. And again, fuckboys are nowhere to be found. It’s a reminder of why I’m not dating anyone and why I won’t settle. Not that I care to be married again, but “in sickness and in health” is very important when it comes to relationships. If someone can’t be a friend at the very least, they could never meet my standards of being a partner. Which leads me to ask…

Does true partnership coexist with friendship anymore?