Don’t Mess With Women Over 40

I met Timberland around the same time I met Pig, but I had no interest in pursuing a relationship him, because he was only 30 years old. I call him Timberland, because all he wears are color coordinated Timberland boots to match his T-shirts. No joke. He took me out to dinner and never tried anything with me, seemed to like me and treated me well. We enjoyed each other’s company, watched scary movies together, and remained friends. He also knew about the situation with Pig and thought he’d done a shitty thing.

One night I was out with friends and ran into Timberland. He said he had to go somewhere and was coming back to meet me. I stayed at the place longer than intended, because supposedly he was on his way. He never showed up, so I texted him something like, “Hey, where are you?” I don’t know what his issue was, but he snapped at me that he’s a grown ass man and doesn’t have to answer to anyone. I reminded him that he’s the one that said he was coming back, and I don’t appreciate waiting around on anyone. He apologized the next day, but he fell off the grid for a couple of weeks. Whatever.

Eventually, Timberland came back into the picture and seemed a little more aggressive putting the moves on me. I wasn’t sure where it was coming from, because he’d never tried anything before. We started hanging out more often, but I had a feeling he was playing me, so I kept a safe distance. Then Timberland started being a dick – and twice in one week, he’d texted me something about “No wonder you’re still single at your age.” Wow.

I reminded Timberland that I’m not “still single”, that I had been in an 8-year marriage, and single again. And besides, what did age have to do with it? He apologized and said he shouldn’t have said that. I mentioned that he obviously had an issue with my age and the fact that I’m single, but if it weren’t for me being single, we’d have never met, because I don’t go out that often or talk to other men when I’m with someone. Again, he apologized. Whatever.

A couple of nights later, Timberland wanted me to come to his house to cuddle, but it was late, and I was already in my pajamas. Plus, I felt that he was just using me at his convenience, and I was still ticked for his comments. Again, he fell off the radar for two weeks until he was supposed to stop by my house to drop something off. He said he would be by in a little while, then postponed it to later. Later came, and Timberland said he ate something and wasn’t feeling well and was at his house laying low, but I could meet him to pick it up. This was six hours after he was initially supposed to come by, and again, I was already in my pajamas and annoyed that he wasted my time.

The following day one of my coworkers said she’d been hanging out with my friend Timberland. I was like what… really? He was blowing up her phone with texts, calling her “babe”, and had been in our work the evening before – the same evening he was supposedly not feeling well and had me waiting around and blew me off. That little son of a bitch, I thought.

I filled my coworker in with what really had been going on. She was pissed, because Timberland lied to her saying he and I hadn’t hung out in two months. I scrolled back thru my texts and we learned that exactly three days after he asked me to cuddle with him, he was at my work hitting on her. Wow, what nerve! I said I wondered why I hadn’t heard from him and had my suspicions… but what I didn’t expect was a repeat of Pig coming into my job to pull that shit. Besides, how stupid do you have to be to try picking up two women that work in the same building? So we decided to teach him a lesson.

She asked him to come into our work to see her. Since she and I normally work different shifts, I suppose he wasn’t expecting me to be there. He showed up wearing his matching Timberland boots, probably almost shit his pants when I sat next to him asking how he was feeling, since he seemed “so sick” the night before. He said he was fine, he was just looking for something (on the menu), to which I replied, “Looking for what, another waitress?” He knew he was busted, and the little dicktard wouldn’t look at me at all. I got up and sat at another seat, and two minutes later he disappeared, nearly running away. Timberland called my coworker, yelled at her, and she told him off and hung up on him. Everyone at our job knew what was happening, and we couldn’t help but laugh. It was priceless.

I never heard back from him again, not even after I sent him a text:

“Don’t mess with women over 40. We don’t appreciate games and will teach you a lesson, probably one you’re not expecting. No wonder you’re still single, and you’ll probably still be single at my age!”

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