A Date with the Most Annoying KISS Fanatic

Friends don’t set friends up with other friends that may be crazy. But that’s not always the case. About a year or so ago after being dumped by Orange Crush, one of my friends thought she was being helpful and really wanted me to meet one of her male friends, even though I told her PLEASE… JUST… DON’T. But sometimes friends can be a little sneaky and just “happen” to invite us both somewhere at the same time. She had shown me a photo of him, and he didn’t look like my “type” – even though I don’t exactly have a type – but there was something boyishly cute about him. Maybe it was his dimples.

Kiss Fan was a few years older than me and going through a breakup (a long-term relationship that included a young child but no marriage), which immediately turned me off. I thought he seemed nice and we did have some things in common, so it was nice talking to him – once. We did some drinking and made out, but ironically, he wasn’t a very good kisser – another huge turnoff. The next time we hung out, I realized all he talked about was music from the 80s and all of the concerts he’d been to, how much of a Kiss fan he is, and showed me tons of photos of him meeting some of the band members and following them all over the place like a weirdo.

Besides bands, the only other thing Kiss Fan talked about was his ex and how she cheated on him and blah blah blah. He’s another one that I told if I have to listen to this shit again, I’m charging $2 a minute. He had absolute zero communication skills. His text messages always read stupid shit like “Hey sexy” – which told me he’s only interested in one thing. And then he would say things that made no sense, which annoyed me more. He didn’t ask me any questions or give a damn about what I had to say or anything about me. He had no depth whatsoever and was kind of exhausting to be around – but at the beginning I put up with it, probably because I still wasn’t over OC and needed a distraction.

At the time I was working two jobs and also managed to do some construction work for Kiss Fan on weekends. Even working for him was more of a chore, because I felt like I was dealing with an ADHD child at times. He flirted with me a lot, and I didn’t really care, because I needed the money. Looking back, I should have charged him for that, too. Not only was he cheap as hell, he actually drank my fucking beer. I told him most bosses would buy their employees beer for working hard, not drink it. The funny thing is, his mother showed up to the site often, so he was always on his best behavior when she was around. Then she’d leave, and he’d pretend to hump me or something else juvenile.

The more I got to know him, the more Kiss Fan got on my motherfucking nerves. A few times he showed up to my house unexpectedly when he happened to be in the area, which is one of my biggest pet peeves. (Never, ever EVER show up to my house unexpectedly unless you’re Ed McMahon with a check from Publisher’s Clearing House!) Then Kiss Fan would sit or stand there and talk all about his ex and how she’s fucking him over with her new lover. After blabbing all of that unnecessary information for 10 or 15 minutes, he would leave, and I’d be like, “That’ll be $30 for listening to your bullshit and an extra $25 for stopping in without an appointment. I take Paypal.”

The last time we were hanging out, we were sitting on my couch (the only place to sit at my house) and – I am seriously not exaggerating here – he cupped my boobs in his hands and jiggled them up and down, making some weird “doo doo doo doo doo doo” noise like a 12-year-old Star Wars fan might do.

What. The. Fuck.

I was so pissed! I threw his hands off of me and told him he had to go. Shortly after, I got another job that took over my weekends.

Still, Kiss Fan continued to text me either via regular text or Facebook messenger (we’ve never been FB friends), and most of the time I’d ignore him. He’d send me photos of himself with Kiss members he’d pay a fortune to see, and I really didn’t give a damn. At some point when I got my new job I was working every single weekend, so my social life was my job. He knew this, but continued to ask me what I was doing, if I was working… and that got old fast. After ignoring him for quite some time, he texted something to me like, “Congratulations on being in love.” I was like wtf are you talking about?? He said, “you must be in love.” I suppose because I wasn’t answering him? Maybe that’s what his mother suggested? And that really annoyed the shit out of me even more, because I haven’t even had a second date in I honestly can’t remember how long. I went off on him and told him that I have told him 1000 times that I was at my fucking job and to stop texting me stupid shit.

He stopped. What a relief! Like I always do, after a certain period of time of not speaking to someone like him, I delete them out of my phone. Then the holidays came up and I got a Happy New Year text but didn’t know who it was, so I asked. He said, “This Susanna.” I said, “Your name is Susanna?” (by then I realized who it was due to the stupidity and the area code). Then a few days later he texted me again and I didn’t answer and decided to just block him.

And this is what I’ll be doing from now on – just blocking. The energy these types of people bring into my life just brings me down and puts me in a bad mood. So no more of that!