Living as a Single INFP-T Idealist

I had probably taken this test back in college, but long before everything was available on the internet. After recently taking the Myers-Briggs personality test, I realized why I have always felt alone, always felt like I was on the wrong planet or born to the wrong generation, or just plain never fit in anywhere. The more I read about the INFP-T personality type (“the mediator), the more I’m beginning to understand myself. I wish I had done this years ago!

From what I’ve read, the INFP personality is a rarity, fitting only about 4-5% of the population. Every single characteristic of an INFP-T fits me spot on. Here I was all of these years thinking something was wrong with me, because I never fit in, people always told me they could never understand me, and because of that – I never understood myself and always felt as if something was wrong with me. So now here I am in my mid-40s finally figuring it out.

It seems that most INFP personality types are lonely, mainly because we prefer to be alone or have difficulty being around chaotic environments or people, prefer to communicate in metaphors, and take things personally. I’m not the type of person that’s far left or far right, and I like things diplomatically balanced right in the center. We like to spend quality time with a few people that mean a lot to us. This explains why I have never fit into groups, no matter how hard I’ve tried. I mean, I can get along with anyone or find common ground with anyone somewhere along the line; I tend to be a listener, and more than enough people have unleashed all of their problems to me; but I have also been told more than enough times that I am difficult to get to know. After reading all of the strengths and weaknesses of the INFP personality, I identify with all of them 100%. I am ruled by my emotions and feelings for the most part, which is probably why my entire life has seemed so scattered.

After taking the Myers-Briggs test, I found the Keirsey personality test that also fits along the same lines. There are four types of Idealists (15% of the population), and INFP personality type is one of them. I happen to fall into the Idealist-Healer category. Again, this type fit me quite well, especially as a nurturer and dreamer.

Taking all of this into consideration, I can see why I have had such difficulty in relationships and opening up to people. It all makes total sense now. I suppose this is another reason I’m single; I find the good in everyone, even though they may not be good for me, and I often don’t break off relationships (whether it be friendship, romantic, or work related) when I should. I care more than I should, and like many INFP types, I tend romanticize a partner for what I think they are or could be rather than what they really are.

I already knew all of this about myself, but these tests just help explain things better for my understanding. Now that I’ve discovered all of this, I realize I need more personality types that fit my own. Further research suggests that I the best matches for INFP types are ENFJ or ESFJ. If it were only that easy to find that without going around asking people to take the test! Maybe the next time I write a dating profile it will read “INFP seeking ENFJ or ESFJ” and see what happens.

5 thoughts on “Living as a Single INFP-T Idealist

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  1. Yes learning about the MBTI is a powerful thing! I am an INFJ (Diplomat) and I feel the same way. We are very alike – INFJs are said to be the rarely type at only 3%. I found it helped me to be secure in my identity and accept myself as not only an introvert, but as someone who is driven and passionate and can sometimes appear far more outgoing than I actually am. It has also allowed me to recognise and respect that I need solitude and I am depleted by social occasions, even when I enjoy them. My only concern with the MBTI is that I for one allowed it to influence my dating life and it was a disaster. Knowing someone’s type means nothing in the scheme of things. Similar types to me (INFPs for example) can still be arseholes and unsuitable! Hope this knowledge helps you in the future!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for the input! I think it’s a useful guide in the dating world, but it’s almost like astrological signs matching. Doesn’t work for everyone!


  2. Good idea! Just ask for what you want. I’m an INFP too. Is it just me, or does being an INFP who routinely struggles with finding her place in the world make your more likely to take these kinds of personality tests? I have taken several over the years, and the results are always the same. I have a feeling that the people with the most frequently-occurring personality types never have to think about such things because they are statistically more likely to encounter like-minded individuals. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just the insecure side of me?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you might be onto something. Maybe others aren’t always struggling with “fitting in” because they don’t have to, while us INFPs are always wondering why life is so difficult?


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