A Real Apology or Not?
After everything blew up last week with Biker Guy, he came over a few days later to apologize for lying to me, but at first I felt like it was a half-assed apology, because the first thing he said to me was, “I only have a few minutes, because I’m on the bike, and it looks like it’s going to rain.” I said “Oh hell no, I deserve more than just a few minutes, and I have a lot of questions!”
He continued to stand by the door and look out the window and not at me while he was saying he was sorry and he shouldn’t have done it. I seriously felt like it was insincere, like that of a teenager that gets in trouble for something and is forced to apologize. That really pissed me off, because it told me he wasn’t sorry at all – he was just sorry he was caught, and he was also sorry that I’d been in touch with the woman he’d dated previously – because that’s how I found out about everything he’d been lying to me about.
After his half-assed apology, he started turning the entire thing around on me, and I wasn’t going to have any of that shit happening. He started saying something about my anger… well, hell yeah, what reaction did he expect? For me to just say, “Oh well, just a lie, no big deal?” Fuck that! And then he told me that I “hurt people” by contacting them. What people? Because the only person I contacted was the woman he used to date that friend-zoned him, and she told me herself that she’s not mad at all, that she’d have done the same thing. Again, this pissed me off that he was trying to blame me for what HE did, coming up with lame ass accusations that didn’t even make sense. It didn’t stop there.
Even while apologizing, Biker Guy was still lying to me about his whereabouts on the Fourth of July, insisting he really had gone to fix a truck… but this time “it only took a few minutes.” I still don’t believe he did, and between the timestamps of our texts and the time that it was confirmed by the woman when he was at the bar, there was absolutely no time whatsoever to drive the distance, fix something, make a bunch of money, and drive back to be sitting in a bar within 30 minutes. He doesn’t know why he lied about things, so I have no answers for that. At that point, I decided I have probably been lied to more times than I know, which I’m sure he’d deny also, but I’m not sure I could ever believe anything coming out of his mouth ever again.
At some point, I broke down crying, realizing he wasn’t sorry at all… realizing that our friendship meant nothing to him… realizing that people treat people like that when they don’t like them, so Biker Guy must not have even liked me at all… feeling used, that he hadn’t been my friend at all, getting that awful kicked-in-the-gut feeling all over again. And realizing I was a fucking fool for giving so many chances. It was then that he actually sat down next to me and started talking. He agreed he has to work on himself and get his shit together, and I truly hope he does. He has a lot on his shoulders, even more so now, and I’m not there to be by his side this time. Later that evening, he texted me saying he was sorry for hurting my feelings. It wasn’t just my feelings; it was my soul, broken trust from someone I never expected. He reiterated that he needs to get his priorities straight, which I agree 100%.
A day later, Biker Guy texted me that he was sent the link to this blog. He actually tried to accuse me of being with Moody Man while I was dating him, which is so far from reason and truth. I assured him that he’s the only person I’ve dated in the last year, and I reminded him that I’d told him about Moody Man contacting me a few months ago. I suppose if he’d read the blog first, he’d understand that. I’m unsure if he’s bothered to read any of it, because I honestly don’t think he gives a shit about anything to do with me. He never took interest in anything before; I’m pretty sure he won’t start now.
There are some other things that I am now questioning. After speaking to a few people that have met Biker Guy, about four different ones asked if he was on drugs, because they had dealt with that type of behavior before. Not to my knowledge, but anything is possible, especially when it comes to the amount of lying. Around the same time, I started thinking a lot about a friend that was an alcoholic that passed away four years ago from complications caused by alcoholism and was a huge liar, and that’s who Biker Guy reminded me of acting like, and it worried me, because that friend is dead. The same week, I swore I saw two other people (separately) I knew that had addiction issues, always lying while they were using. His behavior felt out of character compared to the sweet Biker Guy I met a year ago.
I have another theory that I’m sure he’d deny, but I feel like he still has a thing for the woman that broke off their relationship and friend-zoned him. Because every time he was out with his friends and she was there, I had never been invited and he wasn’t honest about who he was with all the time, but I had also just found that out. “Out with the guys” isn’t out with other couples and someone he dated previously. Why lie? I honestly think he thinks he has a chance with her and can somehow win her over, because the male ego never seems to stop. He obviously had things to hide and a reputation to keep, but now the truth is out – and it is ugly. People are hurt and friendships are demolished. All for what? What was gained? Because now there are two women that aren’t going to put up with his shit. Men want what they can’t have instead of appreciating what is in front of their faces.
The following day, I informed Biker Guy that his female friend wasn’t mad at all that I’d contacted her. He hasn’t replied, and I haven’t heard a word from him since.