I haven’t posted in a while due to being so busy working and other things that have taken up my time. This is probably going to sound a little all over the place, because I’ve had some difficulty writing my thoughts clearly.
Road trips are a great way to use the time to think about things, and I did a lot of that recently. I was finally officially hired for the job I applied for a year ago; however, it’s a temporary job, and this morning I got notice that it’s officially over. I actually liked the job and was able to travel for a bit. I didn’t get to go to anyplace nice, but it was nice to just get out of my own area for a while and take a bit of a scenic road trip. The hotel I had been staying in was definitely not meant for long-term stays, because after two weeks doing 10 hour days for 12 days in a row, I felt like a bus had hit me, and being home in my own bed was the greatest thing ever. It literally took my body over a week to recover from that trip. I slept like crap, the food selection in the area was terrible, and the beds were so uncomfortable that I woke up one morning and said I can’t spend another night in these shitty beds and cut the trip two days short. Sleep and food are the two things that make me feel good and happy, and I wasn’t getting it there.
While I was doing my critical thinking during said road trips, I realized I wanted to write about how I feel about people that may read my blog and pretend to be my friend but don’t act like a friend whatsoever. Same people want to know everything going on in my life, asking me personal questions, etc., but when it comes down to it, they’re only asking me for their own selfish reasons. Same people never want to actually hang out like normal friends do, offer unsolicited advice for situations they’ve never been through, and generally act like they have all of the answers to my problems – even though I never asked them. But I know deep down inside something is seriously bothering them in their lives if they feel the need to involve themselves in such a way but also separate themselves at the same time. People are just fucking weird.
On the opposite spectrum, there are close people in my life that know very little about what I do, what I write, how I feel, etc., and show no interest in reading my blog or in the visual work that I do – which has a lot to do with understanding who I am. I actually dated someone for awhile that I realized knew NOTHING about me. He claimed I never told him, and my reply was, “You never asked,” because if someone isn’t asking questions or takes little interest in me, I don’t feel the need to give them information. I realize my ex husband knew very little about me, knew nothing about the books I’d written, even though he was right there when I wrote them.
Yesterday I was reminded once again why I keep to myself and don’t go out much at all – bottom feeders. I did not go out for several months this year, but with things opening up, I have gone out a few times. I’m hearing that I “hung out” with some guy a few months ago (and by “hung out” I’m sure it was implied that it was sexual, because that’s how bottom feeders are). Totally untrue. Never hung out with this particular person at all – ever in my life! Why someone would make this up is just baffling to me. And the worst part of it all is not even being sure the person that told me this is telling me the truth.
Time to be a hermit again!