Are you in a disposable relationship?
Being disposable means being replaceable, and typically in these types of relationships, you will probably be replaced pretty quickly. There are obviously differences in relationships that are friends-with-benefits and Tinder hookups, but have you ever felt disposable in an actual relationship, as if it could end at any given moment, because you don’t feel like the person you’re with is serious about things?
Feeling disposable in a relationship is nerve-wracking, invoking anxiety, depression, insecurity, and doubt. I have felt that way a few times or more in past relationships, and it was usually my gut feeling telling me something was up. My gut was always right, whether or not I acted and listened to it! I recall a specific situation in which I should have ran far away, but he seemed like such a nice guy and we “clicked” right away. In the end, my heart was broken to pieces, and I was left an emotional trainwreck. There have been other situations in which I should have ended the relationship but kept it going, because that’s what women are conditioned to do.
Opening up to someone is a huge part of a relationship, so if a partner refuses to share their opposing political and spiritual views with you, then they probably don’t trust you or feel comfortable enough talking about things – even if it’s a simple discussion to know where they stand. How will that ever work in a relationship if you don’t know what they value in life? It won’t, because eventually, they will find someone that does openly share their views.
Going-with-the-flow types of relationships can also equate to being disposable, because there is no talk of the future to progress things. Sometimes going with the flow is great; however, when you’re really hoping to share dinner or a weekend with someone and they can never commit until the day of, it’s not a good sign. Being unable to make short-term commitments will more than likely lead to no commitment at all. Also, if you notice they can make plans and commitments with other people but not you, that’s a sure sign you’re disposable!
One thing I’ve noticed is people that date within groups (i.e. groups of friends) tend to stick together and aren’t fond of outsiders. So if you’re an outsider and you don’t quite fit in with them, you might be disposable, because friends will influence each other, and some are just crazy enough to start some undeserved drama. Of course, if the person you’re with is that easily influenced and unable to think for themselves, then you probably don’t want to be dating them anyway. To people like that, I always say, “This isn’t high school anymore!”
If there is something you are passionate about (i.e. a hobby), and the person you’re dating not only takes zero interest in it, but doesn’t even support you by doing simple things like following you on social media or at least taking a look at what you do, you might be in a disposable relationship. If someone is truly interested in you, they want to see you doing well and take some interest in what you do, so if they’re busy liking their friend’s or ex’s memes and selfies, they can find a moment to support what is meaningful to you. If you’re the one taking interest or supporting the other person in their hobbies but they don’t do the same back for you, you’re disposable, because they are selfish and only care about having someone on their side for what they like and support.
You could be disposable if your partner is hiding things – like their phone. Why be secretive if you’re in a relationship? Or if they refuse to add you to their Facebook, wouldn’t you think that’s sketchy? It probably means you’re disposable and easy to ghost, and most likely no one will even know you existed, because there won’t be photos of you together and it’s easy to block you, which is usually what happens in disposable relationships. That makes for easy ghosting! And if someone who ghosted you comes back, there is a good chance their behavior isn’t going to change, and ghosting is definitely something that could repeat itself.
Disposable means it’s meant to be thrown away. Imagine putting tons of effort into something and throwing it in the garbage. That’s what being in a disposable relationship is like, so if you find yourself in too many of the situations I mentioned above, take some time to think if it’s really worth your time.
(*Side note: I titled this post prior to seeing this article with the same title. I thought I’d add it for good reading.)