Little has changed. Sitting here, minding my own business, trying to survive…
Yet, I STILL get bothered by creepy people crawling out of the woodwork, like cockroaches during a heavy rain.
A few weeks ago, on a Sunday morning, I received a text from a number I didn’t recognize, asking how I was. The area code had me thinking it was a woman I worked with, but I knew it wasn’t her when the reply was a sad emoji and guessing games.
Women do not play these games; men do, and I was not in the mood for any bullshit.
It was someone that I’ll call Balloon-head, since that’s what his head is shaped like – a hot air balloon. Apparently, Balloon-head keeps a Rolodex of numbers – from at least seven or eight years ago – after meeting on a dating app. The few times we did hang was during the time I was still drinking and going through a divorce, so I wasn’t exactly looking for love. When I met him, he had no driver’s license and at least two DUIs within a five-year period. I quickly lost interest, because he had absolutely nothing to offer, even in the form of friendship. No depth whatsoever; purely self-centered animal mentality – but also charming. Barf.
He was always drunk and/or high on cocaine, which doesn’t interest me, something I wouldn’t find out until later when he wanted to do a line on my breast. He was very grabby physically, and I learned he was that way with another woman he dated in this small town. The last time Balloon-head and I hung out several years ago, I left his place in a hurry, because he was so high and annoying and aggressive. He was a complete pig, saying, suck my dick, trying to force my head down, while he pulled down his pants. When I refused, he started whining, like a small child not getting his way! As if he and his stupid penis were the only things that mattered on earth, he was pitiful.
If I had a knife, I’d have cut it off and give him something to really whine about!! He absolutely disgusted me, and I never went near him again. When he contacted me a few years ago attempting to hook up, I was surprised he still had my number; I told him then that he didn’t interest me, so I wasn’t expecting to ever hear from him again.
The last time I saw Balloon-head in person, he was standing with Lizard Eyes (formerly OC) at a popular hangout. Not coincidentally, I was informed that Balloon-head’s social media now claims he and Lizard Eyes are BFFs. Knowing this opened my eyes to who Lizard Eyes really is behind the image, hence the name change. Two peas in a pod – conniving, sneaky, immature, manipulative assholes, with traits of closet misogyny.
Remembering Balloon-head is a sales guy that doesn’t take no for an answer, it was up to me to pop his ego. As soon as I learned who was texting, I called my friend that knows his child’s mother. I read the texts to her as they came in, because neither of us could believe this asshole was contacting me to hook up. She said they just had another baby earlier this year! UGH.
Balloon-head’s timing couldn’t have been more perfect. He’d contacted me shortly after the overturning of Roe v. Wade, so I was ready to lash out my anger at the next misogynist overstepping his boundaries.
But this guy is so utterly pathetic. I literally laughed out loud at his own piteous game, feeling as if I was communicating with a teenaged boy instead of a middle-aged man. It is so ludicrous, everything about it is laughable.
What are you up to? (stupid-face emoji)
I knew he was most likely still drunk and/or high on cocaine from the night before.
Me: What is this about??
Him: I’m looking for something fun to do today that’s all
Me: Why are you telling me this?
Him: I wanted to see if you wanted to hang out (face-palm emoji)
Me: (3 laughing emojis)
Him: (Laughing emoji)
Me: No thanks. You’re way below my standards.
Him: Oh damn.
But a narcissist doesn’t stop. They keep trying.
Him: Still have that feisty side I see (winky emoji)
Me: What kind of a loser keeps phone numbers for 7 years?
Me: Unless we have business together, which we don’t, there is no reason for you to contact me. You or anyone else in my past. Ever again. Fucking drunk and druggie losers!! Go snort a line if you’re bored.
Him: Even though you were not very nice to me I hope you have a wonderful day!
Me: Truth hurts!
Him: (Kiss emoji)
Me: Just so you know, I have friends that go to yoga, and they know about these messages, and they may slip up about them. It’s Sunday. Go spend time with your kids. Be the father you pretend to be. #DontBeADeadbeat
Him: Ok thank you!
That was one way to end a conversation quickly! I hope he shit his pants that his children’s mother “could” find out about his nefarious activities. I can’t even believe anyone would want to have kids with that asshole! If he’s anything like his lizard-eyed BFF, he’s shady, sneaky, smooth, charming, and manipulative – someone who cannot be trusted.
Afterwards, I felt elated. But it was only a minuscule amount of pent-up bitterness, anger, grief, sadness, and rage that had escaped me. I have much more to release from all of the years of men’s bullshit. Who wants to get in my way next??
It felt amazing to take back my power and call Balloon-head out, and be so clear-headed this time, because I don’t have alcohol clouding my judgement anymore. I laughed for the rest of the day at the preposterousness of it all. What a fucking narcissist for him to think that he had a chance! Another woman I am friends with told him to fuck off and don’t contact her again a couple of years ago, and then she changed her number. What a loser, contacting women YEARS after they say they are NOT interested! This time, I hope he really does remove my number from his Rolodex!