Medically speaking, nothing much has changed since I last posted. The biggest concern is weight loss and lack of appetite, even though I force myself to eat. Otherwise, life has remained the same, except new medication allows me to sleep better, as well as awaken without wishing I was dead each day. Life is bearable... Continue Reading →
Health Food Store Employees Are Not Doctors
Since I have little energy to spare, I choose to interact with very few people. Simple interaction with people that I do enjoy being around is tiring, but not draining. Still, I can only take a few hours of that, and not for days in a row. Something like a (positive) visit from a friend... Continue Reading →
Weekly Meltdowns over a Broken System
It seems that every single week I’ve had to deal with some absolute bullshit that I shouldn’t. And each time, I’m getting closer and closer to winding up in a psych unit, because I cannot deal with the stupidity of the system on my own. Over and over and over again, I have asked for... Continue Reading →
Insomnia & a Lit Up Brain
Imagine a dim room that’s been lowly lit for several months and suddenly lights up very brightly. Everything is so clear and bright, like a day without a cloud in the sky. Those lights stay on for several hours or days or weeks, maybe even months. Sometimes they dim for a few hours, but they... Continue Reading →
My Brain vs Reality
In my head, I am hiking the Appalachian Mountains or jumping out of an airplane this year for my fiftieth birthday. In reality, I’ve been unable to take a walk on the beach for a year. Last week’s trip to the ER revealed I had a vasovagal attack, which basically made me feel like I... Continue Reading →
A Year Later – Undiagnosed & Life Sucks
Two weeks ago, my best friend died. I lost something I truly loved and loved me back. My cat – the only consistent thing in my life for 12 years – was my emotional support animal. I miss him so much, because there is no one I can come home to when I’m having a... Continue Reading →
Fuck Your Advice
There are a few things I really need to get off my chest before I go apeshit. I realize people mean well (or do they?), but it does NOT help to be bombarded with useless information suggesting why I’m sick or how to get better. This is serious shit, not a stomachache or a common... Continue Reading →
Sobriety is not why I’m angry
(Note: It’s taken me a week to write this, so it doesn’t reflect today’s much lighter mood. Today was the first time since last summer I was able to run errands in multiple places without feeling sick or like I was going to pass out. Yesterday, I did a bunch of work around the house... Continue Reading →
Still Undiagnosed
I started writing this last week: Most physical activity is a catalyst, which sucks, because I cannot get the exercise I need. Doing simple yoga stretches triggers painful spasms, so I sit and cry, because I don’t know if I will ever be able to do normal things again. I feel like my quality of... Continue Reading →
I Think I Have MS
I have attempted to write this for a few weeks, but my concentration is limited and patience short. Since reporting all of these issues to my PCP last summer, I figured I’d be doing great by now, living a normal life. Boy, was I wrong! At this point, I am in fear that I may... Continue Reading →