A Date with a Cheapskate Unchivalrous Military Man

I’m really about over meeting anyone from dating sites anymore. I know I keep saying this, but I did pay for three months of Match and one month of another dull site and wish I’d just bought myself a nice dress and taken myself out to a really nice dinner instead.

This time I ended up meeting with a military guy that lived about an hour away. Now I have said to my friends that I am done meeting military men, because I’ve been married to them and have dated them throughout my life. Most are great guys, but their mindset is not compatible with mine. But I’m a sucker for trying anyway.

We agreed to meet at a halfway point, so I suggested a sports bar that I’m somewhat familiar with. I’d already eaten, so I wasn’t hungry when I arrived. He’d arrived early and had ordered food. Mr. Cheapskate didn’t even ask if I wanted anything, but the bartender gave me a menu and I ordered a beer. Physically, Mr. Cheapskate was decent looking, even though he was a little on the short side, and in good shape for a 50-year-old. The conversation went pretty smoothly – we had a lot of things in common, and we actually talked for about 3 hours. I thought that even if it doesn’t work out romantically, if anything, we could be friends.

In the meantime, I ordered a chocolate martini, because I wanted something sweet. Mr. Cheapskate asked for the tab, and I asked if my two drinks were on there as well. Yes, they were, so I said, “What do I owe?” – because that is one way to test where this is going (another date or a friend zone). Mr. Cheapskate said to just pay the tip ($10) and thanked me. I figured $10 was probably about the cost of both of my drinks, but whatever. When we were leaving, Mr. Cheapskate did not open the door for me, and he mentioned he was parked directly out front. I’d parked down the street in a lot. I could tell that Mr. Cheapskate almost let me walk alone but finally asked me if I wanted him to walk me to my car. “Of course,” I said, “it’s dark out and I’m not that familiar with this area”. So we walked to the lot, he hugged me and unexpectedly gave me a kiss. It was okay but a little awkward.

Mr. Cheapskate wanted to see me the following evening, but I hadn’t slept well and was too tired. Plus, I would have to drive an hour to his area, and I wasn’t about to do that after not sleeping, so we planned for the following evening. Unfortunately, the same thing happened, because I had terrible insomnia and back pain for three days. So we planned for New Year’s Eve. I had no interest in going anywhere, because I just wasn’t in the mood to deal with crowds, drinking, or driving. Plus, I wasn’t sure if I’d be paying my own bill and really couldn’t afford to anyway. I said I was just perfectly fine with lighting a fire, grilling burgers and hanging out for more good conversation. He suggested going to a sports bar… and I said I’m not hanging out at a sports bar on NYE (with shitty food that I might end up paying for).

On that day, Mr. Cheapskate was texting and calling me. I had literally just woken up and was cooking breakfast and doing dishes and couldn’t answer the phone. I was also catching up on the things I didn’t accomplish due to my back pain the previous days. He didn’t leave a message and tried calling about five minutes later. And about 10 minutes later, a “No Caller ID” showed up. I wasn’t sure if it was him being sneaky or a telemarketer, but I was annoyed and ignored the call.

When he was on his way over, I had another “No Caller ID” ring, and when I answered, it was Mr. Cheapskate. Now I was thinking oh great, he’s one of those types that does that sneaky shit, and we only had one date! At that point I was starting to regret asking him over. Prior to his arrival, he’d asked if I needed anything. I said I didn’t (I’m always prepared). When he arrived, Mr. Cheapskate arrived empty handed. Sure, I didn’t need anything, but the decent gesture is to at least bring your own booze or something, right? So I was a little more than slightly annoyed. Then he said, “Wow, look at all this food you made… I didn’t realize you were doing that. I should have brought something over.” Well, yes you should have, I thought, and I already told you that I just wanted a simple night of grilling burgers and a fire. Guess you weren’t listening?

The first time Mr. Cheapskate used my bathroom, he left my toilet seat up. I had probably already decided deep down inside, but I definitely decided right then this will be nothing more than a friendship. I’m not going to train a 50 y/o man to put a toilet seat down.

The rest of the evening went okay with conversation, but I started to get bored quickly. I put Mr. Cheapskate in charge of the burgers and the fire, since it was the least he could do, and I figured most men like doing that anyway. He overcooked the burgers (cooked them to the way he likes them, not the way I said I liked mine), and I ended up having to take over the fire and doing the entire cleanup. He’s not a big drinker, but Mr. Cheapskate did manage to drink half of my beer – and because he’s not a drinker, they really hit him hard. (I drink strong beer with high AVB.) So as the night went on, he got louder and talked over me – there went the conversation. He wasn’t obnoxious, just annoying. And the more he talked, the more I realized his accent, his voice, his build… and more reminded me of Dodger. It was almost a deja vu. (At least Dodger bought his own beer.)

Eventually, Mr. Cheapskate fell asleep on my couch, thank god, so I left him there and went to bed. As soon as I got comfortable and started to fall asleep, he walked into my room and invited himself to sleep in my bed. I told him no, you’re snoring, and I won’t be able to sleep. What did he do? He still got in my bed! I was pissed! Not only did he disturb my rest, now he thinks it’s okay to just take over? I don’t think so! So there I was in bed stewing at how rude he was and now wide awake. Within minutes, he started snoring. I shook him and said you have to go back in the living room, you’re snoring and I can’t sleep. He went back out and left me alone. By then it was probably 3am, so I was super pissed that he was not only ruining my sleep, I wanted to get up in the morning and take a nice beach walk to start my New Year out.

For the rest of the night, I heard Mr. Cheapskate in and out of my bathroom, so doors were shutting all night. I got up around 6am to pee and peeked into the living room. He was sleeping on my floor – which is tile but has a throw rug. I was thinking wtf is he doing on the floor? I didn’t care and went back to bed. When I woke back up around 9am, I felt like crap for not sleeping all night. He was still on the floor, and I woke him up, because I needed him to leave so I could start my day.

I guess Mr. Cheapskate couldn’t handle my beer very well. He thought he had food poisoning. I said well it’s not my food, I ate the same thing, and I’m fine. He said he was up all night spinning, puking and had diarrhea. Nice. He really was in bad shape, and I couldn’t get rid of him until about noon. My entire morning was shot, and pretty much my day, because I was too damn tired to do anything once he left. On top of that, I realized he definitely puked and shit all night… it was all over my toilet, even puke running down the side (I had cleaned my bathroom the day prior) and he had pee spots on my tile floor. How fucking gross!

I really expected more from a military man, because I have found them generally to be more chivalrous and courteous and cleaner. But this one really floundered. He messaged me the following day that he was feeling better but still not that great. And then he messaged me that night saying “goodnight” but I didn’t answer. The following day I got another “No Caller ID” call and didn’t answer it, and I don’t plan on seeing him again – friends or not. And now I have learned how to block these “No Caller ID” calls!

Having to Put a Guy in Friend Zone

Just because you may have had a good first date and liked the person doesn’t mean there was chemistry or enough in common to continue something past a friendship. I have learned this the hard way more than once. Sometimes you can’t move past friendship for one reason or another. Having to let someone down really sucks, but it has to be done so both people can move along.

I met Computer Guy on Match. He reminded me of someone I had dated 15 years ago (and that guy should have remained friendship material). He was in his early 50s, lived about an hour away, and had a teenage son. We chatted a bit and finally agreed to meet for a beer and then out to dinner. Our conversation was great, and we seemed to have a lot in common, but his kid kept wondering when dad was coming home. Strike one. This is why I don’t want to date men with younger kids. It wasn’t the first or second time it’s happened recently.

At the end of the date Computer Guy walked me to my car and gave me an awkward kiss. First, I wasn’t ready for it and I wasn’t even sure if I was physically attracted to him. The other turnoff was his terrible breath. It was the type of breath that smells like rotting garbage even when they’re standing 15 inches in front of you. It just comes out and makes you want to hold your breath. Sooo… strike two.

However, our conversation was great and we seemed to have a lot in common, but still… there was something else about Computer Guy I couldn’t quite pinpoint. I just knew there was something a little off. I learned it over the following week. In the meantime, I was still friendly to him.

And this is why I like to feel them out for a few days or week after the first date:

During the following week, Computer Guy had been texting me a little much, talking about physical things like massaging me and possibly staying at my place. I don’t know where he came up with these ideas, because none of our conversations had been even close to that. I told him that I’m not ready for anything physical and reduced my contact with him. Plus, I had started my period and didn’t want to deal with some man bullshit.

Computer Guy apparently got the hint and backed off a bit. We were supposed to meet up again, but I just wasn’t feeling it and not exactly feeling well. The more he texted me, the less interested I was in him. I felt that he needed my validation for every text he sent – and I felt he was needy – and that’s when it hit me that one thing I couldn’t pinpoint on the first date. The guy is fucking needy. I can’t do needy. That is some draining bullshit that sucks the life right out of you. No thank you!

So Computer Guy messaged me that he liked being with me and was hoping we’d get together again. I told him that I was really busy (it was just before the holidays) and told him that I didn’t think I could move forward as more than a friendship. I thought he’d appreciate me being blunt and honest. His reply?

“Sorry I gave a shit.”

Say what?? I had no idea WTF he was talking about. Then he started sending me long ass letters as text messages that I gave him the impression that I liked him and he only talked about kissing and massages, because he cared… that kissing me gave him some feeling… (I am not lying when I say it was only one date and a short kiss. Zero fireworks for me.) Then he told me that my text to him was basically a grenade and that I push people away. Wow. He made it seem as if we’d been dating for a few months.

I don’t disagree that I definitely push people away that I’m not interested in sharing my life with. Who doesn’t? But I did remind him that it was only ONE date and not enough time for me to have any types of feelings, that I like to take time and process things, not jump into something headfirst. Computer Guy still went on and on. I ended it with telling him that although I enjoyed our conversation and had a nice time, I felt no chemistry at all. He finally settled down and told me good luck in my search. Whew! I thought I was going to have to deal with another crazy. Luckily, he didn’t know where I lived, and he lived too far away to bother with me anyway.

So again, even though this date went well, it couldn’t even end in friendship because of that person’s expectations. To that I say: Not my loss.

What They Really Mean on Dating Sites…

As soon as I see a profile picture that I don’t like, I automatically write that person off. Too many photos with drinks in their hands usually means they spend a lot of time in bars. Sticking their tongues out is just immature and stupid. Middle fingers probably means they’re angry and immature. Blurry photos and too far away? Fugly.  Too many shirtless pics (or any if they’re not at the beach or in the water) probably means they’re in love with themselves. Too many bathroom selfies… no friends? Lol Seriously…

But sometimes they write things (or don’t write things) that are red flags. For example, if they write nothing on their profile, then they’re not serious about a relationship at all. They’re too lazy to write anything, and therefore too lazy to put any effort in a relationship. But there are things they sometimes do write that have other interpretations. This is my list so far:

“If you want to know, just ask” = too lazy to fill out profile (see above)

“School of Hard Knocks” = spent some time behind bars

“NSA (No strings attached)” = wants to get laid

“Looking for fun” = wants to get laid

“Newly single” = wants to get laid

“Just looking to make friends” = wants a friend with benefits

“My kids are my world” = no time for a relationship

“I work a lot” = no time for a relationship

“Old fashioned” = a woman’s place is in the kitchen

“Please have no drama” = loves drama and invites it

“Drama free” = more dramatic than a 14-year-old girl

Would anyone like to add to this list? Comment below…

Online Dating is Exhausting… Even When it’s a Good Date

In my last post, I talked about dating being exhausting when people are energy vampires. But online dating itself is even worse. Before the actual date happens, having to read through 150 emails from pursuers is a daunting task, because you also have to view/read their profiles to see who these people are before answering them. It’s practically a job in itself. 90% of mine either get deleted or I politely tell them we are not a match. For most, they are thankful I even answer them.

For some, they want to know why we aren’t a match. Most of the time, I can tell whether or not they’ve read my profile, so I tell them just that. For example, if they are separated or still married, they obviously didn’t read my profile. Who the hell wants to date a married man? Not me! Or the age difference is too great – too young or too old doesn’t work for me either – and some (especially the younger ones) cannot seem to understand that. And at this point in life, I’m not interested in dating men with small children, and it seems there are so many in their 40s and 50s with small children.

And some act like it’s the end of the world if you don’t get back to them right away. Those are the “red flag” ones that I won’t even bother to answer at all if they can’t understand that most people don’t have time to sit on a dating site all day long to answer questions. One guy practically cried that I wasn’t interested… he said he was “a really nice guy” blah blah blah so why wouldn’t I go out with him? Seriously. I told him if he’s such a nice guy, he will find a match. This is exactly the type of crap that makes online dating exhausting. No one wants to open messages and have to deal with that.

But then there are the good dates that confuse the shit out of us. After Super Needy Guy, I met someone I was actually attracted to and had more in common with. Coach was in his early 50s and lived about an hour from me but frequents my area. I even met his sister and brother-in-law that were visiting. Coach is well-educated, good looking, polite, and seemed to have his shit together. We had a great time, and we both said we’d like to see each other again.

Coach was supposed to come back the following weekend, but something came up. Then I didn’t hear from him for about a week. I started suspecting he’s probably dating other women because he’s active on the Match site (yes it tells you that also!) or maybe he’s just a player, because to have a good date and then for someone to just fall off the radar is usually how it goes. And I don’t know how I missed it, but I went back to read his profile, and it said “I’m looking for women…” and that’s when I realized it was written in plural. Coach wasn’t looking for one woman, but still wanted something for the long run. No wonder I hadn’t heard from him. And due to his profession, location, and good looks, I’m pretty certain he’s surrounded by a multitude of beautiful women to choose from. So in my mind, I labeled him as a player.

Then I finally did hear from Coach. Match tells users when someone views their profile, so Coach said he “stopped in” and saw that I’d viewed him, asked how I was, and I wasn’t sure why he was messaging me on the site since he has my actual phone number. I would ask him questions, and he would avoid them. Very strange and very shady. Then I didn’t hear from him again for about two weeks. By then, I’d written him off.

So two weeks later, he said he may be coming back into my area that weekend and wanted to know if my friend’s place was available to rent for the night. I gave him her info and didn’t hear from him for a few more days. Coach messaged me that weekend and said he wasn’t going to make it on Saturday, but made plans with me to do a beach walk on Sunday morning. I thought it would be something fun and normal to do… I mean, I haven’t been on a beach walk with a man in I can’t remember how long.

Sunday came around. Coach was a no call, no show. I wasn’t sure if he ever made it into the area, so I texted him that afternoon saying I guess you didn’t make it over here? He said no, he decided to stay in his area and take a bike ride. Mmmmkay. I said well thanks for letting me know.

His reply? “Sorry, my bad.”

How fucking rude! That was the last I heard from him. Obviously, he’s a player and has zero respect for my time. So even though the date was good, the after-date was total bullshit. I don’t have time for that, either!

Dating is Exhausting When People are Needy

A few of my friends are using online dating sites, and so am I. I decided instead of just using one site, I’d use multiple to increase my chances. Often, I have found others doing the same, because I recognize their photos. But even one site can be exhausting to use. I mean, by the time you match and initially chat, sometimes several days have gone by. If an actual meetup happens at all, the aftereffects seem to be tiresome.

After having a conversation with a girl friend, we both questioned if online dating is even worth it. Of course we all have expectations, no matter how hard we try not to. However – when someone presents himself (or herself) online to be a certain type of person, we expect that what is what we get. Not always accurate. In fact, so far seems inaccurate 99% of the time.

I like to chat for a few days or a week to feel them out, because many times they get weird before the first meet even happens, and I don’t want to waste my time on weirdos. The first date I had thru the Match site seemed a little too eager to me to meet so quickly, but he was persistent, and I hadn’t been feeling that well, so my guard wasn’t as strong as it should have been. This guy was about 50, seemed okay to talk to, and we agreed to meet at a restaurant for a couple of drinks before proceeding. I will refer to him as Super Needy Guy.

Super Needy Guy showed up wearing something like gym clothes, drove an old beater, and was a lot scruffier in person than in his photos. I knew immediately I was not physically attracted to him. Still, I’m not opposed to meeting new people even if we only remain as friends. Conversation was pretty easy, but he’d told me a lot of info that I wasn’t sure was the type you should tell anyone on the first date. He’d been adopted, treated differently than the natural born children, and said he grew up with a German shepherd as his best friend. It was a sad story, but it certainly gave a lot of perspective on his neediness. After two beers, we decided to part. This was a Saturday.

The following day, I had to work, and Super Needy Guy knew this. While I was getting ready for work, he texted me. I had no time to answer. I got to work and Super Needy Guy texted me a few more times and even tried calling me. That in itself annoyed the hell out of me. Total red flags there. Besides, I still wasn’t feeling well and didn’t need the extra pressure of having to answer to someone.

I waited until after work to text him that I wasn’t feeling well. He immediately texted back and I answered him. Then he tried calling me again… I turned off the call and let it go to voicemail. I wasn’t in the mood to talk after having worked all day and having a sore throat. The thing is – he knew this, but his neediness overtook my need for my health and well-being. No thank you. Then he had the nerve to text me and say he tried calling but it went straight to voicemail, as if I was obligated to answer to him. Fuck that!

He continued texting me the following day and the day after, and to me it was just too much. Apparently, he had a lot of time on his hands, even at his job. By Tuesday I was growing tired of it all, not to mention I either had terrible allergies or something else going on and in no mood to deal with it.

Super Needy Guy kept texting me that he wanted to meet up again to see if there’s any chemistry. I finally told him that honestly, there was no chemistry on my part. I guess that pissed him off, because he said “no more free drinks” (remember, I only had two beers) and that “seems most women play the games their profile says they don’t want. No worries, I will delete your number, I don’t waste time on someone who isn’t interested. No need to text back…” blah blah blah…

Oh. My. God. How dramatic! It was one date and two beers, and I was already exhausted. Talk about a total energy vampire! I reminded him that not only was I working a lot, I was also not feeling well and told him he was too pushy and too fast for my pace and sorry if my two beers seemed like I was playing a game – that it was one date, not a handful.

I never heard from him again, and boy was I glad! But he exhausted me to the point that I didn’t want even want to bother going out on another date. It seriously took me a good week or so to recover. No more energy vampires!

A Date with a Pig

A couple of months ago a friend invited me to an art gallery for a wine tasting. I’m not a wine drinker, but I was more interested in seeing the gallery. I wasn’t expecting to meet anyone there of the opposite sex that would interest me, but I did. And I was happy to actually meet someone in person at an event that I would enjoy.

Pig and I are around the same age and hit it off. We had a lot in common, got along well, and ended up on a couple of dates that included kayaking and making dinner together. Initially, Pig was very sweet, and I hadn’t had that much fun since Orange Crush, which at that point had been about a year and a half. But I still had my guard up.

Then Pig told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship, that he didn’t know what he wanted. So I put another wall up and told him then we can only be friends, nothing more. I think that may have disappointed him, but too bad, because I made it clear I didn’t want to have sex with anyone that is probably having sex with other women. Still, Pig and I hung out. I still liked him, and he knew it.

Pig visited me at my job one evening, flirted with me, drove me back to the house after work, kissed me, and then proceeded to tell me he was meeting up with friends, one of which he had slept with. I said, “So you’re going on a date?” He said no. I said well, that sounds like a date to me. And then he invited me to meet him at the place.

I said, “Are you serious??? What do you think is going to happen here? You know I like you… you’re off to meet up with another woman that you’ve admitted you’ve had sex with. At least one of two things is going to happen. Either one or both of us is going to be pissed off, and I’m definitely going to be one of them.” He finally agreed that it was stupid of him to invite me to see him on another date. It didn’t sit well with me.

About a week later I saw Pig out with yet another woman that he hooked up with from Bumble. A few days later he invited me over for dinner, which he ended up burning because he was drinking too much (and I later learned doing other substances). We kissed on his couch, and I was in the moment, but it wasn’t until he stood up and stuck his dick in my face that I realized he’d somehow managed to take his pants off without me noticing. I was like wtf are you doing??? I ended up leaving, because his behavior annoyed the shit out of me. The following day, Pig was supposed to deliver something to my house for me to borrow, but he turned out to be unreliable. At that point, I realized I should probably just cut ties with him.

Still, Pig was friendly, and visited me at my job a few weeks later. He was flirting with another woman half his age right in front of me. When she turned to go into another room, he pointed at her and said, “I want that right there!” Right to my face. I gave him the dirtiest look and said, “She’s half your age!” He said, “I don’t care.” He continued to flirt with her right in front of me while also showing me pictures of his new boat. I was furious at him for being such a dick to come to my job and do that. Right in front of Pig, I said to the girl, “Be careful of this guy, he’s a player.” He tried to be sly and slipped her his phone number. I told her everything I knew about him.

Later that evening, Pig texted me to please not talk shit about him to the girl or anyone else. Then I let him have it… told him to go fuck himself, and on what planet did he think it was okay to come into my work and do that shit right in front of me? He apologized and said something about us being friends. I said, “You’re no friend, my friends don’t disrespect me. You’re a womanizing asshole. I don’t need to talk shit, because you pretty much speak for yourself. I view you as nothing more than a pig.”

I haven’t heard from him since, but I was told he came back into my work looking for the other girl. Not only is she not interested, she’s creeped out by him now.

The Return of Douchebags

It seems like they all come out of the woodwork at once. Besides constantly seeing my ex husband with his fiancé all over town, I keep running into these douchebags.

Since my last post, Frat Boy returned my robe, but not before harassing the shit out of me first. He texted me numerous times trying to talk to me, but I was either working, busy, or just not in the mood for dealing with his shit. He filled up my voicemail with stupid messages asking why I’m not speaking to him – filled it up so much that I missed important messages, because there was no room left. That really annoyed the crap out of me. Finally, I told him that the reason I don’t want to speak to him is because of the last incident when he acted like a total ass, to which he replied that I always blame him for something… as if I made him act that way. So I told him to just mail my robe back, because I wasn’t about to have to see him, and I didn’t want him at my house. About a week or so ago, I was sitting at home doing some writing. Frat Boy had pulled up at my house and stuck the robe on my front doorknob. I made sure I bleached it well.

About a month ago, my friend and I went to watch a musician play at a local tavern. I noticed King Nothing there and ignored him. Suddenly, this woman walks up to us and introduces herself to me. She knew my name, and I swear I’d never seen her before. She shook my hand and said it was nice to meet me. I was like wtf? Who are you, and how do you know my name? She said everyone knows who I am. I said who’s everyone, because I rarely go to this place. My friend and I looked at each other like what is this about? She wasn’t even looking at my friend, just me, saying she just wanted to meet me. It was very bizarre. Sure enough, she leaves and it turns out she was there with King Nothing. Why anyone would want to stir up some drama is beyond me, but apparently they deserve each other. What a tool!

I saw Mr. Volatile on Match, and he liked me and messaged me. Apparently, he didn’t even recognize me, even though I still look the same as I did when I dated him six months ago. He had his age listed as 44, even though he’s 51. I replied with “You don’t recognize me? We’ve already met and dated. You might not want to lie about your age on here.” I guess my location threw him off, but he said he liked my photos. Whatever. I said, “I suppose you don’t recognize me, because the entire time we went out to dinner you were checking out other women. Then you ditched me at a bar I didn’t even want to go to. So no wonder you don’t remember.” He had nothing to say after that. Another tool.

I’ve been making a good attempt at going to new places in another city to get away from the madness around here at least once a week. But of course, I just had to run into someone else from the past – a cop that I briefly dated – that turned out to be married but divorced earlier this year. He stood me up on a Friday night around my birthday, so I haven’t kept in touch with him. He offered to buy me a beer, so I agreed. I was showing him something I had been working on and ended up getting another beer. When the bill came, he never paid for the first beer. What a douche!

After not running into him for months now, I saw Orange Crush on Black Friday in the parking lot across from my job, walking into another establishment. He and the guy he was with were looking up where I was standing at my job, while a co-worker and myself were staring down at the parking lot. I’m pretty sure he knows where I work, and at this point, I’m pretty sure he’s still a huge pussy and can’t face me like a man. But I still started shaking again when I saw him. I didn’t think I would still have those feelings that I can’t seem to shake. I’ll be so glad when that finally happens!

First Turn-Off – The Big Baby

The first turn-off in my marriage was the day he cried. No, not just cried. Bawled.

No one had died, and nothing bad had happened. Big Baby sat in the beige recliner in front of the tv in the living room of our brand new home and bawled his head off all because he couldn’t have his way. Not joking.

One of Big Baby’s friends was getting married, and he’d already decided he didn’t want to attend the wedding, didn’t want to take the 4-state trip up the coast, and since we’d just bought a house, funds were short. Big Baby changed his mind a few days before the couple’s big day when he found out some of his other friends were making the trip, and it would be one big party. What’s what set it off. The only thing keeping him back was the lack of funds – something HE chose to spend on things I didn’t find necessary.

Now I’m a pretty compassionate person, and normally I would console someone during times of distress. But I just couldn’t bring myself to console someone over something like this. Our marriage was new, and we’d only been together for just over a year at that point, so I wasn’t even sure how to handle this situation.

When asked what was the matter, Big Baby said he missed his friends. Okay… nevermind he had a new wife here he wasn’t even considering to bring with… but okay. I should have known then that this wouldn’t be the last time Big Baby would cry about much of nothing or throw temper tantrums like a 3-year-old, punching holes in walls and essentially turning me off from our sex life. No grown ass woman wants to have sex with a man-child.

More to come…

Knowing What I Want in a Relationship

It’s been over a year ago that I wrote down exactly what I want in a partner. Finding anyone to fit the criteria has been a challenge. While some people (that have never seen the list) think that I’m setting my expectations too high, I disagree. In my past relationships, I have always settled for less than I want. Maybe I thought I didn’t deserve what I really want or didn’t think it existed, but that got me nowhere in the long run. Even in my recent dating life, I have overlooked some things just because there are no other options (besides sitting home with my cat), and I still felt like I was selling myself short.

The criteria I have set isn’t out of the ordinary. Asking for things like loyalty, honesty, considerate, stable, etc., are just basic things we all want. But believe it or not, even those things can be difficult to come across in the world of dating. Someone that brings out the best in me and appreciates me is not asking for too much. And I don’t care what anyone says – physical attraction has to be there – because I have also settled in the past and ended up repulsed once their true attitude came out.

Earlier this week, someone made a comment to me twice – “No wonder you’re still single at your age.” Really? Still single? I was married for 8 years, so I’m just single again. I’m not settling just to be in a relationship, because I’m not needy like that. And the age comment was just stupid. Plenty of people my age and older have been single for years. Plenty of people my age and older have never even given marriage a shot, so anyone that thinks that me being single is an issue can seriously shove it. And of course, the older we get, the more narrow the dating field is. I’d take being single over being in an unhappy relationship any day of the week.

And I know I’ve said I’m never going on a dating site ever again. But a few people have said to try the Match site, because people have to pay to contact/reply, etc., and it helps filter out a lot of idiots like the free sites and apps. So I went ahead and signed up on Match for three months. The thing I do like about it is they match with what both parties are looking for, even though some are contacting me that clearly do not meet my standards. I’m getting plenty of emails and chatting with some people. I’m not jumping at meeting anyone immediately, because I think it’s important to feel them out for a good week. If they have a “must meet now” attitude, sayonara, because those are usually the types that want to jump into something and turn out to be control freaks. Having respect for my needs is another thing right up there on my list… which is NOT asking for much at all.

The Frat Boy in the Pink Robe

People are always telling me I need to date older men, but I have found it is no different than dating someone around my own age or younger. About three years ago, I met an older man through some friends (I will refer to him as Frat Boy). I thought I’d give it a chance, but he turned out to be very immature for a man in his 50s, and we really didn’t have very much in common.

I hadn’t seen Frat Boy in quite some time and ran into him earlier this year. We kind of picked up where we left off – only as friends. We met for beers a few times, and it didn’t take long for me to remember why I suddenly fled from him three years ago. Nothing changed, and I’m pretty sure he lied about his age before, because he was five years older than I recall three years prior. Hmmm…

The last incident with Frat Boy happened a few months ago. I’d been working three jobs, six days a week, and was completely exhausted. One of the jobs is very physical, so when I get off of work, I want to relax and do nothing. (If I’m really lucky, I may con someone into rubbing my feet and legs.) One evening after a grueling day at work, I met FB for a beer or two, and he’d been drinking at a game all evening. Promising to give me a foot massage, I allowed him to come to my house. Once he arrived, I regretted it.

It was that night that I remembered how much FB’s voice annoyed me… like a high pitched nasally whine. He started off with his whine saying, “You better take a shower if you want me to rub your stinky, smelly, sweaty feet.” Mmmkay.

I barely got a foot rub. And then everything he said pierced my nerves to the bone. I finally told him to stop whining, that I didn’t want to hear it. He replied back with his whiny voice, “What! Whining? Are you calling me a sissy?”

I was like huh??? First of all, sissy isn’t even a word I use. After all, this isn’t the 1950s. At that point I was just rolling my eyes and kicking myself for allowing him over.

Next thing I know, Frat Boy decided to use my bathroom but never came out. I noticed the light off, and it connects to my bedroom, so I peeked inside. There was Frat Boy lying in my bed butt ass naked, sleeping (or pretending to). By then, I was super annoyed and decided he could sleep there and I’ll take the couch. I didn’t care. I was in pain from working all day and night and just wanted to relax and sleep.

A few minutes later, Frat Boy starts whiny yelling from my bedroom, “Susanna! Are you coming to bed? Come in here and ride this dick!”

I wanted to vomit.

He kept saying stupid shit, and I was mostly ignoring him and telling him I’m tired and not moving. Then he came through my bathroom wearing my pink velour Victoria’s Secret bathrobe threatening to leave my house in it, because he wasn’t feeling welcomed.

I swear I cannot make this shit up!

At first I was confused thinking that maybe he is a sissy, maybe he likes women’s clothing… and really, wtf?

Like a 3-year-old, Frat Boy kept threatening to leave, and I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “Okay.”

He said he was going to walk out the door in just my pink bathrobe. I answered, “Don’t forget your clothes, and don’t let my neighbors see you,” because I truly didn’t give a shit.

And he did. He drove home wearing nothing but my pink bathrobe. I told him he can have it, since he seemed to like it so much. Now he calls me almost daily begging me to call him back or to see him. I have no interest, but the asshole owes me a new bathrobe.

A Date with a Racecar Driver

GUEST BLOGGER:
(SUBMITTED BY: Anonymous)

A while back I met a guy out, we exchanged numbers, and went on a couple of lunch boating dates. He was about 10 years older, had grown kids, used to drive racecars, and seemed to have his shit together.

The first time Racecar tried to kiss me, it was unexpected, which is probably why it made it awkward. I think it was the timing, because I was still getting to know him and wasn’t at that point of wanting to kiss him. At the time I thought he was moving too fast, and I still had my reservations about him.

Several dates later, I decided I liked Racecar enough to continue seeing him, and eventually I let him kiss me, and over time had sex. It was okay, and thankfully he didn’t act like he was on the race track. His racecar was a nice size, but due to his lifestyle and age, he couldn’t keep it running. Very frustrating when you’re in the moment, but it is what it is. Another thing I noticed is he definitely could not keep his motor running when I was on top. That’s a huge deal, probably some mommy issues.

Even worse, while Racecar was trying to keep his racecar in me, he was talking dirty, saying things over and over: “Look at that tight little pussy! Give me that tight little pussy! I love that tight little pussy!” A little awkward, but I figured it was the first time, so give it another chance.

Second time, same story.

Third time, same story.

Racecar kept repeating the “TLP” phrase, and I felt like I was in the movie Groundhog’s Day. I actually busted out laughing, because I felt it was so ridiculous and definitely did nothing for me; in fact, it distracted me from the moment. I asked him why he said that every single time, over and over. He claimed it helped him to concentrate reaching orgasm. Mmmkay.

Then I began to find out some things. I thought his social drinking was normal, because after one or two drinks he seemed pretty tipsy… until he revealed that he takes pain meds daily. That explained that. It also probably explained why his racecar didn’t run so well. He actually reminded me a little bit of a friend that had a drinking problem that passed away a couple of years ago, so I really started to open my eyes at that point.

On our last date, Racecar took me for a ride in his prized pristine fast car. We were in a residential area where the speed is about 30 mph… and he decided that it was okay with me as his passenger to double the speed. I pretty much freaked out, because there was a ditch on my side, and all it would take is one person to pull out on one of those side streets for my life to either be gone or be completely changed forever. Then he proceeded to pull out onto the main highway fish tailing and squealing tires, leaving marks in the road. He thought he was being cool. I thought he was being a selfish, thoughtless asshole.

At that point I realized that this “relationship” was going nowhere and he was more about pleasing himself than pleasing me, and I decided none of that was going to work for me. I haven’t seen him since, but I suspect that I will eventually run into him in my small little town that I’m beginning to dread.

On Being Sick and Single

If you’ve been following my blog, you may remember that I became very sick at the beginning of the year. During the brief time I was seeing Mr. Mixed Messages, I came down with whatever sinus/head cold crap he had, which turned into the flu and eventually pneumonia. Being that I’m a natural caregiver, I offered to help Mr. Mixed Messages, asking if he needed anything, maybe some homemade chicken soup… but he declined, apparently had someone else to take care of him. But when the tables were turned, he offered me nothing, not even a text asking how was I feeling.

After being sick for nearly three months, I quickly came to realize who my real friends were. Nearby friends that never once asked how I was doing or if I needed anything, I realized were no friends at all. And the fuckboys that always wanted to “hang out” instead of help out had no place in my life.

Not only is being sick and single lonely and difficult, it’s a financial disaster when I have to miss work. Already struggling, having no income is a double edged sword that causes more stress and a vicious cycle that has taken its toll on both my physical and mental health. (More about this cycle in another post.)

The past few months I’ve barely dated at all. Either I’m working too much or I just have no interest in dating anyone I meet. Not enough in common, age differences, and emotionally unavailable are just a few reasons among other things as to why. But still, I meet people that want to “hang out”. Most of the time, I just decline.

Fast forward to today. I’ve been sick again with an awful upper respiratory illness for almost two weeks. And again, fuckboys are nowhere to be found. It’s a reminder of why I’m not dating anyone and why I won’t settle. Not that I care to be married again, but “in sickness and in health” is very important when it comes to relationships. If someone can’t be a friend at the very least, they could never meet my standards of being a partner. Which leads me to ask…

Does true partnership coexist with friendship anymore?

A Date with a Redneck

Last year I met a guy on Bumble that seemed to be nice. I will refer to him as Redneck. The first time we met he was dressed nicely and on his best behavior. Then he asked me to be his New Year’s Eve date to watch a band and meet his friends.

Like normal people do on New Year’s Eve, I got dressed up. When I arrived to meet Redneck, he was wearing jeans, a T-shirt with a flannel over it and sneakers. His friends and their wives/girlfriends were also dressed up. He ordered unhealthy food and dessert after telling me about some health issues he was having, so at that point I pretty much determined nothing is going to go further than friendship with Redneck. Oh, yeah, and his profile listed him as 4 years younger than he actually was.

Shortly after I met Redneck, I got really sick for a couple of months that eventually turned into pneumonia. He texted me a few times about going to dinner, but I either wasn’t feeling well or I had to work. A few days later, he’d been at some redneck truck show and then proceeded to invite himself to my house when he was done. I repeated I wasn’t feeling well and was going to bed early. Around 8pm the same day, he called me – sounded drunk and telling me he was eating at Wing House about 40 minutes from me. I didn’t care to talk to him, especially knowing he’d been drinking all day. Again, he said he was coming over when he was done eating. I said it’s already after 8, I’m going to bed soon. And then I saw the other side of Redneck.

Apparently, my health and well-being didn’t matter to Redneck. He started yelling, “No, I’m coming!” At first it was funny until I realized he was both serious and drunk. I said, “NO, I’m going to bed early because I want to get up and do yoga in the morning.” He said “fuck yoga! We can do that all night!” I said, “NO, I’ve been sick, I’m tired, and I don’t want anyone here. By the time you’d get here it will be like 10… that’s too late.”

He seriously started to argue with me that I’m always too busy or making excuses, fuck my excuses… I repeated that I’d been sick and I needed to get well (at this point I hadn’t yet found out I had pneumonia). At that point, he was just sounding like a dick, kept saying, “fuck yoga”, so I thought “fuck you”, hung up on him and never heard back.

About 5 months later, I went back on Bumble, and there he was with the same old, same old. I purposely swiped right to see what he would do. We matched. I told him he really fucked up, to which he replied that I did. Hmm… Nope. He did. I don’t miss him a bit.

Fun Messing with a Telemarketer

Yesterday I received a call from a number that I had previously declined. But this time I was in a funny mood and decided to answer. The caller sounded like a young male and asked for me by my married name, so I knew it was another seller. It turned out to be a self-publishing book company that I had inquired about nearly 10 years ago!

I feigned a foreign accent that was something between Spanish and Chinese… (don’t ask how I came up with that lol). He said his name was Josh, and even though the number showed it was from Indiana, he said he was in the Philippines (but he had no accent, sounded completely American). The conversation went something like this:

Me: Oh hi Josh, what are you wearing?

Josh: (paused) A grey T-shirt.

Me: A grey t-shirt? Oh wow, is that it? No pants?

Josh: Yes, I’m wearing pants.

Me: Oh you should take them off. Your shirt, too… I want to hear your coworkers cheer you on.

Josh: I can’t take my pants off. I’m in an office and people are on phones.

Me: But I bet everyone will have fun. You should take your shirt off and do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight. (It was hard for me to hold it together.)

Josh was kind of laughing and trying to read his script, but I interrupted him.

Me: How old are you Josh?

Josh: 23

Me: Ohhhhh 23… I love that! Do you like cougars?

Josh: (chuckles) Yes, I like cougars.

Me: I’m not talking about the animal. You like older women?

Josh: Sure, I like older women.

Me: Nice. I bet you’d look really good with that grey T-shirt off. (I’m really laughing but trying not to, and I think by then I’d forgotten my fake accent.)

Josh was still trying to sell me book stuff but I can’t remember what he said. He also mentioned that this call was being recorded.

Me: Oh good, glad they’re recording it. Maybe I can play the conversation to my friends. Maybe I can write a book about cougars. Cubs and cougars, you know?

Josh: Yeah you should do that. Write about that.

Me: But I don’t know enough cubs to write a whole book about. Maybe you could be part of the book! I do have a blog though.

Josh: You should write a book about that. (He kept trying to sell still but I kept interrupting.)

Me: Are you still wearing your clothes? I’m at the beach and not wearing any. You should come down and take your clothes off.

At some point I could tell that Josh’s supervisor was probably trying to get him off the phone. Either the phone cut out or Josh was told to cut the call, because everything went silent. Maybe they finally took me off of their damn calling list!

Still Seeking Clarity

I sent this to my friend almost exactly one year ago about OC. I had been visiting family for a week when this occurred:

I don’t know what to think. The entire time I was gone up north I barely heard from OC. Last Sunday he said if he didn’t respond it’s because his phone isn’t working right (screen is cracked). I stopped messaging him to see if he’d bother to reply to me at all. He didn’t, but he did post some things on Instagram a couple of days later, so obviously his phone was working then. He liked some of my things on there, but never communicated with me. I sent him something thru the Instagram messaging system of a lion and lioness getting it on… no response. I sent him video of two cats licking each other like lovers – it was obviously me sending sexual references. All he said was that seems like a good way to get a lot of hair in your mouth. That was his only response.

I came home on Thursday. I wondered if he was on Bumble or maybe meeting someone else. So I got on Bumble, and his profile is still on there, but I don’t know if he’s active or not. So I said “I didn’t realize you were still on Bumble.” No response. Then I finally said if you don’t want to see me anymore, just tell me. You’ve been noncommunicative with me. He finally responded saying he’s just been very busy trying to catch up with everything. So I said do you have plans tonight? He said he does… going out to eat w/ his boys and then has to come home to do invoicing. I told him I missed him; he said he missed me, too. That night I found out a friend of mine died earlier this month, so I was upset. I sent him a text saying “I want to hug you so bad right now”. He may have been in bed by then, but NO RESPONSE, even the following day (Friday).

I figured last night he’d take me out to dinner or something, considering I haven’t seen him in over a week now. Never heard from him. Nothing today either (Saturday). I’m assuming he’s working, but there’s no way in hell he’s working THIS much. I’m like WTF!!! This is so weird to me, esp considering we’ve been seeing each other almost 3 months now and have spent so much time together. So I finally sent him a message 30 minutes ago saying:

“I really don’t know what to think at this point. Obviously if you wanted to see me you would have by now, even for five minutes. I feel like I’m doing all the communicating but I’m just speaking to myself. This is very confusing to me. If you met someone else or you got back with your wife or whatever just tell me. This is what happened to (another friend) when she went on vacation and came back to somebody that stopped communicating with her. Then he proceeded to dump her. Is this what you’re doing?”

So far, NO RESPONSE.

(The following morning, I awoke to a text message of him breaking up with me without any actual explanation.)

So what was I not seeing here? Obviously, I felt something was wrong, but if anyone understood how close we were, it still doesn’t make sense to me that it happened this way.

Another Dream About an Ex

I was looking through old emails, and I’d written to a friend that I had had a dream about OC last November. I didn’t remember it until now. But the ending was very similar to my most recent one. It went like this:

I was with other people that I don’t remember and there were another couple of guys off to the side of the group doing coke. One was bald and I thought it was OC with a shaved head, and I was like wow he’s doing coke? – but it wasn’t him. Then OC came along and I went searching for him throughout this house and back area of the house.

We ended up sharing a chair or couch or something and talked. I asked him what happened to our relationship, and he said he doesn’t know, but nothing in his life was going right at the time except us so he wasn’t sure what he was doing. He was very affectionate with me like we used to be, but I wanted to be careful he wasn’t playing around. Then at some point I thought he went to the bathroom or something, and he was gone. Just disappeared.

I was asking around and some larger girl started saying something about another girl “crazy (whatever the name was)” and I said, “He was seeing someone? When?” And then I wasn’t even sure she was talking about OC at all, because it didn’t sound like anything he would do – like go to the mall and shopping, buying gifts, etc. The other girl was super rail thin skinny and had short blonde hair. I remember thinking is this what he likes?? But I wasn’t even sure the girl was talking about OC or someone else. Then I woke up.

Another Lonely Holiday for the 4th

(**I’m a little rambly today… didn’t sleep well last night.)

I’m stuck at work today. I mostly work alone, and combined with the personal part of my life in which I am alone often, it just seems like I’m shut out from the world. My family rarely gets together except for (sometimes) Thanksgiving, Christmas, and maybe Mother’s Day. My friends all either have boyfriends or families they’re spending time with. However, I may visit some married friends later. But being the third wheel is no fun.

Weekends and holidays are a stark reminder that I’m a single middle-aged woman, and by societal standards, it can be tough. Sometimes I’m afraid that I’m alone so much and have been for so long that I’ll end up unable to have any sort of relationship, because maybe I just won’t know how. I go places and see couples and families together all of the time. Sometimes it makes me sad that I don’t have anyone I can share my time with. While I do like my space and freedom, it would be really nice to have a partner for these occasions and to do other fun things. But being alone nearly 24/7 doesn’t seem healthy.

The other day I was reminded in an article that people in relationships live longer, are healthier and happier, have a sense of purpose, and have a reduced risk for dementia. At this rate, I suppose I’ll be dead in 15 years (joking…). But then I started searching for other topics – positive ones – about how being single can be healthier. I suppose it’s all about who you choose to be with, because an unhealthy relationship can cause irreparable damage.

I’m not living the life that I’ve always dreamed about. Not only am I just single; I’m fucking broke. The two do not go hand in hand whatsoever. I’ve been working multiple jobs, some get canceled unexpectedly, and I’ve had some major expenses over the years that I’ve been unable to catch up with. Being broke makes me anxious, makes me worry, makes me lose sleep, increases pain, and obviously doesn’t enable me to travel and do the things I want to do. I know I have to get another job that pays me better and makes me happier… finding it is another story.

Guest Blogger: Date With Bubba

Submitted by Anonymous: 

This is about a redneck guy I dated as a teen. He came over to pick me up for dinner in his old bubba truck. First impression was when Bubba yelled at my little niece and nephew that ran too close to his truck. Then when we went out, he drove through several steak house parking lots, kept saying they were too full. It was about 8 at night and I was starving. I finally said to him, “How about Burger King?” So he drove straight over. Maybe that’s what he was hoping anyway. We ate, and he took me home.

Later that week Bubba called me and tried to convince me that I wasn’t a woman until I loosen up a bit and have sex. Still a virgin, I held my ground and said that I was waiting until marriage. But we planned a second date.

Bubba was supposed to meet me at the ice rink as a skating date. Two hours roll by and still no Bubba. My other guy friend saw that I was upset and asked what was going on. He let me use his cell phone to call Bubba. I surprised him with that random phone number, because he picked up, said hello. Then when I asked where he was, he was breathing hard and hung up. My guy friend called again and Bubba shut off his phone. I never saw him again.

Last I heard about Bubba, he was in trouble with the law for beating he shit out of someone with a hockey stick.

Life is Hard Enough Without Your Bullshit

Shortly after my heartbreak with OC last year, I met and made out with a guy that I somewhat connected with. Nothing ever came of it, because I found out he was back with his ex – and apparently, they break up and get back together often. This has been going on for about five years with them, but I had no idea at the time. For whatever reason, he chose to tell his ex about our encounter, so suddenly I’m a whore and a slut, according to her. Whatthefuckever.

Last week I ran into this guy again, and again, they’d broken up… “She’s psycho, etc.”… same old story from these guys. I have no issue speaking to him, because we have common things to discuss, and we followed each other on Instagram. No biggie. We said goodbye and parted ways.

Less than an hour after that encounter, I got bombarded with messages via Instagram from his ex telling me they are not over and he’s a liar and to stay out of their lives. Say what??? She was obviously “stalking” his Instagram to see who he’s following or whatever. I always take the “my ex is a psycho” phrase with a grain of salt, but this was truly crazy. She went on to say they weren’t done the last time we were talking and then proceeded to tell me he has genital warts. Nice. I told her I have no idea what she’s talking about… and gross… and have fun with your lives. I told her this is ridiculous middle school bullshit and stop contacting me. And then I had to block her.

Whether or not he lied to her or me or whomever – I don’t care. I don’t have feelings for this person and have zero intention of even hanging out with him again. But I will speak to whoever the hell I want to speak to.

I took screenshots of everything and sent it to him, to which he replied, “I told you she’s psycho.” I said, “Well who is more psycho? You keep going back to her. I’m sure you’ll be back within 24 hours. Have fun with your genital whatever you both have now.” Thankfully, I can’t catch anything from talking to him or following on social media!

Dreaming About an Ex

This morning I awoke to a dream that felt completely real. What sucks about it is that it’s been nearly a year that I broke up with Orange Crush, and I still see him around. I still think about him, even though I try not to, but thanks to those goddamn Facebook memories, it reminds me of all of the time we spent together last year. So dreaming this brought back the feelings I had and have been trying to brush off and move on.

In the dream, OC and I were both at the same place where something was going on, but I can’t remember what exactly. He was with his regular crew of guys. I’m not sure if I was alone or with friends. We made eye contact, and he came over and sat next to me. He held my hand and looked at me the way he used to, but never said a word. All of the feelings I had had for him came back. I felt as if we picked up where we left off. In some part of the dream, people were being called up by name to do something. I cannot remember what it was about, maybe an interview or something along those lines. My name was called and I had to go, but when I came back, OC was gone. I remember being very disappointed and looking for him. There was no sign of him, and then I woke up.

Being that today is a shitty weather day, it just compounded some of my open wounds, because now I’m stuck inside alone again. Doing my best to keep busy with art and writing projects and listening to funny things or happy music… but I’m still finding myself crying off and on throughout the day. I fucking hate this, and I’m beginning to feel pretty pathetic that I still haven’t gotten over this guy. I was so happy being with him, and it all just ended so abruptly. I just want those happy feelings again.

Another Brain Dump

(**I wrote this a couple of weeks ago.)

I’ve been thinking about so many things, I cannot concentrate on just one. My mind is racing, my anxiety is high – and combined with depression, it doesn’t feel very good at all. It increases the insomnia, which makes me irritable from not getting enough rest, and my appetite gets out of whack. All of this makes me unable to focus and think straight. My hormones are changing, making me feel stupid and weepy and like the stereotypical woman on her monthly. I think combining that with everything else – along with my strong convictions – makes me unapproachable. (Not that I want to be approached at this point anyway.)

Since it’s been raining and I haven’t been going out at all, I’ve been sitting outside on my back porch fighting the annoying bugs and listening to the rain on the tin roof… thinking about all of the bullshit – and at the same time trying not to. This rain is definitely increasing my depression. I need sunlight, and lots of it, in order to feel better – probably why I always liked summers more than any other season.

The rain is mesmerizing, a steady pulsing beat surrounding me. I can feel the uncomfortably hard PVC pipes through the thin cushion against my back and ass and legs. No wonder this set was so cheap on Craigslist. It fucking hurts, makes me squirm and switch positions constantly, like a kid in adult church.

I guess all of my friends are with their significant others or maybe out with friends and family. If I don’t take myself out, I guess the porch is my Friday night hangout… an extension of my home yet still outdoors. How I would love to have someone to share it with. Wishful thinking.

I know what I want to do for a living – something I have always loved and still do but don’t get paid. I want to write, but I’m not writing some stupid shit for $10 an hour for someone else to get rich with my talents. I want to get paid what I deserve. Writing is natural to me, instinctual, therapeutic, and seems to be the only “job” that truly that makes me happy. It’s something I’ve loved doing since I was in third or fourth grade and all through graduation. It’s something I continued doing after high school when I joined the army to become a photojournalist. I loved writing when I went to college; had a 4.0 in all of my English classes and tutored English to other college students. Taught writing as my first public and private teaching jobs. So why am I not getting paid to do it now? I have to figure this out, because it’s probably the only thing that I actually feel confident in despite being told by other people that my writing sucks, lol 😉 …

Not all writing is good. I know I’ve gone back to read things and think… ‘okay that was really boring,’ or ‘that could have been better.’ But with anything in life, once you go back and reanalyze the situation after more gained experience, it’s easier to forgive yourself and give constructive criticism.

F*%k Boys Need Not Apply

I don’t know if it’s because it’s summertime or what, but lately I’ve been hearing from guys I haven’t seen or heard from in months or even years. I’ll get a text and have to ask “who is this?” because after a certain period of time, I delete numbers. All of these have happened within the past two weeks.

The other day I received a text from an unknown number asking how I’ve been the past few months. I ask who it is, he gives me a name but it’s such a common name I still don’t know who it is until he gives me the last name. Then he tells me he’s getting divorced and wants to get together for a beer. I wasn’t in a particularly good mood when I received the message, so I’m like great, another one on the rebound, and I’ll get to hear about all of his problems like the rest. All the while, I’m wondering how many other women he’s texting the same thing to. He’s never done anything wrong to me; I’m just over the bullshit with these newly single men.

Also last week, I received a text from someone I hadn’t seen in four years. Four years!! He was from my divorce days when I was into the younger men scene. I recalled all of his texting from back then and how he led me on that we were going to go on a date that evening and suddenly ghosted me – so I reminded him of that. Claiming he is in a different frame of mind now and back to being single, he is looking for something real. I reminded him that our age difference isn’t going to make anything real, and I pretty much know what this is about. His pattern is this: he texts randomly, stops texting or answering questions, then a few days or a week later I’ll hear from him. Then the pattern repeats. We never actually get together, just texting. Who has time for that bullshit? Such a waste of time just chatting about nothing.

Someone I’d met a couple of months ago and never get together in person with also randomly texts me at odd hours… like at 7am – saying things like “I woke up thinking about you today,” which to me, translates to: “I woke up with a hard-on.” I can immediately tell by his texts he wants to sext – but I’m not buying into it. This guy is one of my friend’s neighbors, and we have already determined he’s a player. I know for a fact that he had already texted two other women dick pics and a jerkoff video, so that’s obviously what he’s about. In one day, his texting went from how much he wanted me sexually and kissy faces to complete insults because I told him I didn’t have time to text him morning and night. He insinuated that I didn’t have a “real career” (whatever that means – coming from a spoiled brat) and called me rude for saying I couldn’t text him all the time, then just turned the whole thing around on me. I was at my friend’s house (his neighbor) when this occurred, so we were quite entertained by it all. I said, “Feel free to send me a jerkoff vid or dick pic,” to which he replied that I was a bitch, and “ho be old and drunk”. Suddenly, I was an old drunk ho because I’m too smart to play into his bullshit, but I wasn’t an old drunk ho when he talked about wanting his dick sucked earlier in the day. Just another fuckboy I had to block.

Another guy that texted me recently is someone I’ve known since elementary school. He’s a cop that I don’t trust in the dating realm, and every few months or so he asks what I’m doing, if I’m out, if I’m awake, etc. He also calls me nicknames that I don’t appreciate, and I’ve told him so. Names like “sugar pants” – which I think is completely demeaning and sounds more like a sugar baby hooker or something. Or he calls me names like “trouble” – which is also insulting, because I am not that either. I’ve told him I will answer him when he can call me by my actual name or nothing at all. And he still doesn’t get it.

I just save up all of these texts from fuckboys and use them for blogging material, because that’s about all they’re really worth anyway. Soon, I may be posting some stories from other women friends, because it seems like everyone has some awful dating experience to share.