Finnegan, Dating the Biggest Liar on the Planet

Submitted by Guest Blogger, Kayte:

I met Finnegan on Plenty of Fish a couple of years ago after a 7-year bad relationship. He was completely charming, seemed to love my children, and seemed like he would do anything for me. My friends all liked him. I was head over heels for him, and naively moved him in with us after he spun a story about how his roommate decided to move his mother back into the room he was renting at their house.

Finnegan said he was 38, never married and had no children, and he was a driver for a large beer company. We made an agreement on how we’d split the bills and rent, and I felt relieved to finally have more money to save from that. Alas, that never happened!

Not only did Finnegan never pay a dime towards rent, but he even had the nerve to borrow money from me on occasion. He worked strange hours, and at one point I became suspicious as to where he was really going each day. He came home one day smelling distinctly of sex… yes, that smell is unmistakable, and my gut told me something was up for sure!

Upon further internal reflection, I realized I knew NOTHING about this man who was living with me and my children. I’d never seen any paperwork – no paystubs, no mail, etc. He’d moved in with one box of clothes for God’s sake! My suspicions finally got the best of me and I asked my ex (a cop) to check him out for me. Who was this man really???

We were about to celebrate his 39th birthday, which according to him, would be the first birthday he celebrated in years! (Due to his mother dying on that day… more lies of course!) As it turned out, Finnegan wasn’t 38 turning 39. He was actually ten years older. He had been married and divorced. He also had two children on which he owed thousands in back child support, and he had even lied about his living situation. The roommates had actually kicked him out for not paying rent. I also found out from his ex-wife that I wasn’t the first woman to contact her about him; Finnegan has a habit of charming women with children and moving in with them, then moving on to the next one.

When confronted about his age, his excuse was, “I just don’t want to be old!!” When I called him out on all his lies, he didn’t even apologize. He just said, “Okay, I’ll move out.” Then he came home, grabbed his box, and left! Loser!

His last words to me were, “No more relationships…I’ll just have friends with benefits! I’m going to block you now.” He disappeared that day! I was so pissed because I wanted to go off on him, vent my anger and frustration… but the bastard didn’t even extend me that courtesy!

I Give Up On Online Dating

Between how my New Year started out with the Cheapskate and the crazy messages I receive from men, I just deleted my Match and another paid dating account. Tonight was the last straw with the asinine comments. Some of them aren’t even from dating sites; some of these idiots find my Instagram and start to creep. I don’t make it private, because I sell my work on Instagram and need it for that. I just can’t deal with the rudeness and ignorance and immaturity of these assholes – some 50 y/o men. At this point, I don’t want to meet anyone online, period.

I was just looking back at my old Instagram messages, and one kid (I say kid, because he was under 30) had messaged me back in September. I had no idea who he was or what he wanted, but he said he’d seen me on Tinder. At that point, I hadn’t been on Tinder since last April, so I wasn’t sure if someone made a fake account or what. No, the kid just creeped on me for months. He wanted to “talk” (in my mind, he meant text for hours and send pics eventually – no thank you!). I told him he can talk only if he wants to buy my items. He said he wants to get to know the artist first. I told him to be serious, because I don’t have time to fuck around. The idiot didn’t even know where my art was (on my page as well as my website). He took a look at it and said he liked it. I said let me know what you’d like to purchase… then I didn’t hear from him until November. He starts off with his “hey how are you” bullshit, and I asked him what he needed. He said he wanted to take me to dinner. I told him we’re not a match, I know nothing about him or even what he looks like. Again, he said he found me on Tinder, sends me a picture of himself and tells me he’s 28. I told him it’s not going to happen, and if I don’t match on Tinder, don’t come creeping on my page months later pretending to be my friend. He wouldn’t shut the hell up, which is typical of these entitled annoying kids that can’t take no for an answer. So I look at who he follows, and it’s mainly scantily clad women. He finally got the point that he wasn’t going to get anywhere with me.

Another messaged me in December saying he saw me on Tinder, but this one was much older and only had 5 photos on Instagram – all of himself – posted on the same day. He immediately wanted to talk on the phone, which wasn’t going to happen. So I asked him, “Would you allow your mother, daughter, or sister to talk to a stranger without knowing a thing about them?” The idiot said yes he would, because everyone is a stranger. Again, I said I know nothing about him whatsoever, so he gave me a synopsis of his life story. I told him he lives too far away (always a great excuse!), and then he started asking me more personal questions about what I do for a living, etc. I have completely ignored him. I think it’s creepy and crossing a boundary when the woman is clearly not interested. And if they have to talk me into liking them, it makes me like them even less. It makes me feel like I’m at a used car lot.

Someone that I had actually spoken to online two years ago and suddenly blew me off (we were supposed to meet then but never did) decided to message me on Instagram the week before Christmas. He said something about doing lunch, and I reminded him that he was supposed to do that two years ago. He said it would be amazing to do dinner, too, and I told him that I was trying to decide how many men have already missed their chance. I left it at that. The following day, I received a text message from a number I didn’t recognize saying “I really adore you”. I asked who it was… no reply. I said “seriously, who is this? If you’re going to send me this shit at least tell me who you are.” No reply. I called the person a coward and never heard back. The number wasn’t listed anywhere I looked, but I had a friend that has ways to do things, and it turned out this was same guy that blew me off two years ago. What. The. Fuck. I can’t believe he still had my number and didn’t have the balls to tell me who he was. Dumbass!

Tonight I received a message from another Instagram creeper. I had no idea who he was, but apparently he found me “on a dating site” and had already messaged me before and I let him down. Still, he wanted to get together. I think I’m pretty nice about how I let this guy down, but he got all butt hurt and immediately blocked me. Good thing I didn’t go out with him, because he sounds like a real piece of work that can’t handle rejection. Oh – and we have NO mutual friends; the guy is a total creeper and has very little of anyone liking his lame photos.

Immediately after that idiot blocked me, I received this message. How this jackass found me, I have no idea, but I reported him, and I hope Instagram removes his profile.

I’m not joking when I say this all happened in the same evening – like literally back to back. I was checking my messages on Match and another site. I specifically say I do NOT want a married man or one in any sort of relationship. This one in particular was “married but looking” and sent me a message. It’s so fucking tiring to open messages like these and find out they’re married, so I started replying to all of them with “illiteracy runs rampant”. He was too stupid to get it, and his last reply was completely juvenile – and then he blocked me. I reported him to the site and then removed my profile.

I don’t have time for this shit. I’d rather sit home on a Friday night watching “Killer Women” on Netflix with my cat . I’m beginning to feel like online dating is slightly more dangerous than I’d imagined. I don’t care if I’m single for the rest of my life, because it sure beats spending one single second of my time with any of these losers!

A Date with a Cheapskate Unchivalrous Military Man

I’m really about over meeting anyone from dating sites anymore. I know I keep saying this, but I did pay for three months of Match and one month of another dull site and wish I’d just bought myself a nice dress and taken myself out to a really nice dinner instead.

This time I ended up meeting with a military guy that lived about an hour away. Now I have said to my friends that I am done meeting military men, because I’ve been married to them and have dated them throughout my life. Most are great guys, but their mindset is not compatible with mine. But I’m a sucker for trying anyway.

We agreed to meet at a halfway point, so I suggested a sports bar that I’m somewhat familiar with. I’d already eaten, so I wasn’t hungry when I arrived. He’d arrived early and had ordered food. Mr. Cheapskate didn’t even ask if I wanted anything, but the bartender gave me a menu and I ordered a beer. Physically, Mr. Cheapskate was decent looking, even though he was a little on the short side, and in good shape for a 50-year-old. The conversation went pretty smoothly – we had a lot of things in common, and we actually talked for about 3 hours. I thought that even if it doesn’t work out romantically, if anything, we could be friends.

In the meantime, I ordered a chocolate martini, because I wanted something sweet. Mr. Cheapskate asked for the tab, and I asked if my two drinks were on there as well. Yes, they were, so I said, “What do I owe?” – because that is one way to test where this is going (another date or a friend zone). Mr. Cheapskate said to just pay the tip ($10) and thanked me. I figured $10 was probably about the cost of both of my drinks, but whatever. When we were leaving, Mr. Cheapskate did not open the door for me, and he mentioned he was parked directly out front. I’d parked down the street in a lot. I could tell that Mr. Cheapskate almost let me walk alone but finally asked me if I wanted him to walk me to my car. “Of course,” I said, “it’s dark out and I’m not that familiar with this area”. So we walked to the lot, he hugged me and unexpectedly gave me a kiss. It was okay but a little awkward.

Mr. Cheapskate wanted to see me the following evening, but I hadn’t slept well and was too tired. Plus, I would have to drive an hour to his area, and I wasn’t about to do that after not sleeping, so we planned for the following evening. Unfortunately, the same thing happened, because I had terrible insomnia and back pain for three days. So we planned for New Year’s Eve. I had no interest in going anywhere, because I just wasn’t in the mood to deal with crowds, drinking, or driving. Plus, I wasn’t sure if I’d be paying my own bill and really couldn’t afford to anyway. I said I was just perfectly fine with lighting a fire, grilling burgers and hanging out for more good conversation. He suggested going to a sports bar… and I said I’m not hanging out at a sports bar on NYE (with shitty food that I might end up paying for).

On that day, Mr. Cheapskate was texting and calling me. I had literally just woken up and was cooking breakfast and doing dishes and couldn’t answer the phone. I was also catching up on the things I didn’t accomplish due to my back pain the previous days. He didn’t leave a message and tried calling about five minutes later. And about 10 minutes later, a “No Caller ID” showed up. I wasn’t sure if it was him being sneaky or a telemarketer, but I was annoyed and ignored the call.

When he was on his way over, I had another “No Caller ID” ring, and when I answered, it was Mr. Cheapskate. Now I was thinking oh great, he’s one of those types that does that sneaky shit, and we only had one date! At that point I was starting to regret asking him over. Prior to his arrival, he’d asked if I needed anything. I said I didn’t (I’m always prepared). When he arrived, Mr. Cheapskate arrived empty handed. Sure, I didn’t need anything, but the decent gesture is to at least bring your own booze or something, right? So I was a little more than slightly annoyed. Then he said, “Wow, look at all this food you made… I didn’t realize you were doing that. I should have brought something over.” Well, yes you should have, I thought, and I already told you that I just wanted a simple night of grilling burgers and a fire. Guess you weren’t listening?

The first time Mr. Cheapskate used my bathroom, he left my toilet seat up. I had probably already decided deep down inside, but I definitely decided right then this will be nothing more than a friendship. I’m not going to train a 50 y/o man to put a toilet seat down.

The rest of the evening went okay with conversation, but I started to get bored quickly. I put Mr. Cheapskate in charge of the burgers and the fire, since it was the least he could do, and I figured most men like doing that anyway. He overcooked the burgers (cooked them to the way he likes them, not the way I said I liked mine), and I ended up having to take over the fire and doing the entire cleanup. He’s not a big drinker, but Mr. Cheapskate did manage to drink half of my beer – and because he’s not a drinker, they really hit him hard. (I drink strong beer with high AVB.) So as the night went on, he got louder and talked over me – there went the conversation. He wasn’t obnoxious, just annoying. And the more he talked, the more I realized his accent, his voice, his build… and more reminded me of Dodger. It was almost a deja vu. (At least Dodger bought his own beer.)

Eventually, Mr. Cheapskate fell asleep on my couch, thank god, so I left him there and went to bed. As soon as I got comfortable and started to fall asleep, he walked into my room and invited himself to sleep in my bed. I told him no, you’re snoring, and I won’t be able to sleep. What did he do? He still got in my bed! I was pissed! Not only did he disturb my rest, now he thinks it’s okay to just take over? I don’t think so! So there I was in bed stewing at how rude he was and now wide awake. Within minutes, he started snoring. I shook him and said you have to go back in the living room, you’re snoring and I can’t sleep. He went back out and left me alone. By then it was probably 3am, so I was super pissed that he was not only ruining my sleep, I wanted to get up in the morning and take a nice beach walk to start my New Year out.

For the rest of the night, I heard Mr. Cheapskate in and out of my bathroom, so doors were shutting all night. I got up around 6am to pee and peeked into the living room. He was sleeping on my floor – which is tile but has a throw rug. I was thinking wtf is he doing on the floor? I didn’t care and went back to bed. When I woke back up around 9am, I felt like crap for not sleeping all night. He was still on the floor, and I woke him up, because I needed him to leave so I could start my day.

I guess Mr. Cheapskate couldn’t handle my beer very well. He thought he had food poisoning. I said well it’s not my food, I ate the same thing, and I’m fine. He said he was up all night spinning, puking and had diarrhea. Nice. He really was in bad shape, and I couldn’t get rid of him until about noon. My entire morning was shot, and pretty much my day, because I was too damn tired to do anything once he left. On top of that, I realized he definitely puked and shit all night… it was all over my toilet, even puke running down the side (I had cleaned my bathroom the day prior) and he had pee spots on my tile floor. How fucking gross!

I really expected more from a military man, because I have found them generally to be more chivalrous and courteous and cleaner. But this one really floundered. He messaged me the following day that he was feeling better but still not that great. And then he messaged me that night saying “goodnight” but I didn’t answer. The following day I got another “No Caller ID” call and didn’t answer it, and I don’t plan on seeing him again – friends or not. And now I have learned how to block these “No Caller ID” calls!

Having to Put a Guy in Friend Zone

Just because you may have had a good first date and liked the person doesn’t mean there was chemistry or enough in common to continue something past a friendship. I have learned this the hard way more than once. Sometimes you can’t move past friendship for one reason or another. Having to let someone down really sucks, but it has to be done so both people can move along.

I met Computer Guy on Match. He reminded me of someone I had dated 15 years ago (and that guy should have remained friendship material). He was in his early 50s, lived about an hour away, and had a teenage son. We chatted a bit and finally agreed to meet for a beer and then out to dinner. Our conversation was great, and we seemed to have a lot in common, but his kid kept wondering when dad was coming home. Strike one. This is why I don’t want to date men with younger kids. It wasn’t the first or second time it’s happened recently.

At the end of the date Computer Guy walked me to my car and gave me an awkward kiss. First, I wasn’t ready for it and I wasn’t even sure if I was physically attracted to him. The other turnoff was his terrible breath. It was the type of breath that smells like rotting garbage even when they’re standing 15 inches in front of you. It just comes out and makes you want to hold your breath. Sooo… strike two.

However, our conversation was great and we seemed to have a lot in common, but still… there was something else about Computer Guy I couldn’t quite pinpoint. I just knew there was something a little off. I learned it over the following week. In the meantime, I was still friendly to him.

And this is why I like to feel them out for a few days or week after the first date:

During the following week, Computer Guy had been texting me a little much, talking about physical things like massaging me and possibly staying at my place. I don’t know where he came up with these ideas, because none of our conversations had been even close to that. I told him that I’m not ready for anything physical and reduced my contact with him. Plus, I had started my period and didn’t want to deal with some man bullshit.

Computer Guy apparently got the hint and backed off a bit. We were supposed to meet up again, but I just wasn’t feeling it and not exactly feeling well. The more he texted me, the less interested I was in him. I felt that he needed my validation for every text he sent – and I felt he was needy – and that’s when it hit me that one thing I couldn’t pinpoint on the first date. The guy is fucking needy. I can’t do needy. That is some draining bullshit that sucks the life right out of you. No thank you!

So Computer Guy messaged me that he liked being with me and was hoping we’d get together again. I told him that I was really busy (it was just before the holidays) and told him that I didn’t think I could move forward as more than a friendship. I thought he’d appreciate me being blunt and honest. His reply?

“Sorry I gave a shit.”

Say what?? I had no idea WTF he was talking about. Then he started sending me long ass letters as text messages that I gave him the impression that I liked him and he only talked about kissing and massages, because he cared… that kissing me gave him some feeling… (I am not lying when I say it was only one date and a short kiss. Zero fireworks for me.) Then he told me that my text to him was basically a grenade and that I push people away. Wow. He made it seem as if we’d been dating for a few months.

I don’t disagree that I definitely push people away that I’m not interested in sharing my life with. Who doesn’t? But I did remind him that it was only ONE date and not enough time for me to have any types of feelings, that I like to take time and process things, not jump into something headfirst. Computer Guy still went on and on. I ended it with telling him that although I enjoyed our conversation and had a nice time, I felt no chemistry at all. He finally settled down and told me good luck in my search. Whew! I thought I was going to have to deal with another crazy. Luckily, he didn’t know where I lived, and he lived too far away to bother with me anyway.

So again, even though this date went well, it couldn’t even end in friendship because of that person’s expectations. To that I say: Not my loss.

What They Really Mean on Dating Sites…

As soon as I see a profile picture that I don’t like, I automatically write that person off. Too many photos with drinks in their hands usually means they spend a lot of time in bars. Sticking their tongues out is just immature and stupid. Middle fingers probably means they’re angry and immature. Blurry photos and too far away? Fugly.  Too many shirtless pics (or any if they’re not at the beach or in the water) probably means they’re in love with themselves. Too many bathroom selfies… no friends? Lol Seriously…

But sometimes they write things (or don’t write things) that are red flags. For example, if they write nothing on their profile, then they’re not serious about a relationship at all. They’re too lazy to write anything, and therefore too lazy to put any effort in a relationship. But there are things they sometimes do write that have other interpretations. This is my list so far:

“If you want to know, just ask” = too lazy to fill out profile (see above)

“School of Hard Knocks” = spent some time behind bars

“NSA (No strings attached)” = wants to get laid

“Looking for fun” = wants to get laid

“Newly single” = wants to get laid

“Just looking to make friends” = wants a friend with benefits

“My kids are my world” = no time for a relationship

“I work a lot” = no time for a relationship

“Old fashioned” = a woman’s place is in the kitchen

“Please have no drama” = loves drama and invites it

“Drama free” = more dramatic than a 14-year-old girl

Would anyone like to add to this list? Comment below…

Online Dating is Exhausting… Even When it’s a Good Date

In my last post, I talked about dating being exhausting when people are energy vampires. But online dating itself is even worse. Before the actual date happens, having to read through 150 emails from pursuers is a daunting task, because you also have to view/read their profiles to see who these people are before answering them. It’s practically a job in itself. 90% of mine either get deleted or I politely tell them we are not a match. For most, they are thankful I even answer them.

For some, they want to know why we aren’t a match. Most of the time, I can tell whether or not they’ve read my profile, so I tell them just that. For example, if they are separated or still married, they obviously didn’t read my profile. Who the hell wants to date a married man? Not me! Or the age difference is too great – too young or too old doesn’t work for me either – and some (especially the younger ones) cannot seem to understand that. And at this point in life, I’m not interested in dating men with small children, and it seems there are so many in their 40s and 50s with small children.

And some act like it’s the end of the world if you don’t get back to them right away. Those are the “red flag” ones that I won’t even bother to answer at all if they can’t understand that most people don’t have time to sit on a dating site all day long to answer questions. One guy practically cried that I wasn’t interested… he said he was “a really nice guy” blah blah blah so why wouldn’t I go out with him? Seriously. I told him if he’s such a nice guy, he will find a match. This is exactly the type of crap that makes online dating exhausting. No one wants to open messages and have to deal with that.

But then there are the good dates that confuse the shit out of us. After Super Needy Guy, I met someone I was actually attracted to and had more in common with. Coach was in his early 50s and lived about an hour from me but frequents my area. I even met his sister and brother-in-law that were visiting. Coach is well-educated, good looking, polite, and seemed to have his shit together. We had a great time, and we both said we’d like to see each other again.

Coach was supposed to come back the following weekend, but something came up. Then I didn’t hear from him for about a week. I started suspecting he’s probably dating other women because he’s active on the Match site (yes it tells you that also!) or maybe he’s just a player, because to have a good date and then for someone to just fall off the radar is usually how it goes. And I don’t know how I missed it, but I went back to read his profile, and it said “I’m looking for women…” and that’s when I realized it was written in plural. Coach wasn’t looking for one woman, but still wanted something for the long run. No wonder I hadn’t heard from him. And due to his profession, location, and good looks, I’m pretty certain he’s surrounded by a multitude of beautiful women to choose from. So in my mind, I labeled him as a player.

Then I finally did hear from Coach. Match tells users when someone views their profile, so Coach said he “stopped in” and saw that I’d viewed him, asked how I was, and I wasn’t sure why he was messaging me on the site since he has my actual phone number. I would ask him questions, and he would avoid them. Very strange and very shady. Then I didn’t hear from him again for about two weeks. By then, I’d written him off.

So two weeks later, he said he may be coming back into my area that weekend and wanted to know if my friend’s place was available to rent for the night. I gave him her info and didn’t hear from him for a few more days. Coach messaged me that weekend and said he wasn’t going to make it on Saturday, but made plans with me to do a beach walk on Sunday morning. I thought it would be something fun and normal to do… I mean, I haven’t been on a beach walk with a man in I can’t remember how long.

Sunday came around. Coach was a no call, no show. I wasn’t sure if he ever made it into the area, so I texted him that afternoon saying I guess you didn’t make it over here? He said no, he decided to stay in his area and take a bike ride. Mmmmkay. I said well thanks for letting me know.

His reply? “Sorry, my bad.”

How fucking rude! That was the last I heard from him. Obviously, he’s a player and has zero respect for my time. So even though the date was good, the after-date was total bullshit. I don’t have time for that, either!

Dating is Exhausting When People are Needy

A few of my friends are using online dating sites, and so am I. I decided instead of just using one site, I’d use multiple to increase my chances. Often, I have found others doing the same, because I recognize their photos. But even one site can be exhausting to use. I mean, by the time you match and initially chat, sometimes several days have gone by. If an actual meetup happens at all, the aftereffects seem to be tiresome.

After having a conversation with a girl friend, we both questioned if online dating is even worth it. Of course we all have expectations, no matter how hard we try not to. However – when someone presents himself (or herself) online to be a certain type of person, we expect that what is what we get. Not always accurate. In fact, so far seems inaccurate 99% of the time.

I like to chat for a few days or a week to feel them out, because many times they get weird before the first meet even happens, and I don’t want to waste my time on weirdos. The first date I had thru the Match site seemed a little too eager to me to meet so quickly, but he was persistent, and I hadn’t been feeling that well, so my guard wasn’t as strong as it should have been. This guy was about 50, seemed okay to talk to, and we agreed to meet at a restaurant for a couple of drinks before proceeding. I will refer to him as Super Needy Guy.

Super Needy Guy showed up wearing something like gym clothes, drove an old beater, and was a lot scruffier in person than in his photos. I knew immediately I was not physically attracted to him. Still, I’m not opposed to meeting new people even if we only remain as friends. Conversation was pretty easy, but he’d told me a lot of info that I wasn’t sure was the type you should tell anyone on the first date. He’d been adopted, treated differently than the natural born children, and said he grew up with a German shepherd as his best friend. It was a sad story, but it certainly gave a lot of perspective on his neediness. After two beers, we decided to part. This was a Saturday.

The following day, I had to work, and Super Needy Guy knew this. While I was getting ready for work, he texted me. I had no time to answer. I got to work and Super Needy Guy texted me a few more times and even tried calling me. That in itself annoyed the hell out of me. Total red flags there. Besides, I still wasn’t feeling well and didn’t need the extra pressure of having to answer to someone.

I waited until after work to text him that I wasn’t feeling well. He immediately texted back and I answered him. Then he tried calling me again… I turned off the call and let it go to voicemail. I wasn’t in the mood to talk after having worked all day and having a sore throat. The thing is – he knew this, but his neediness overtook my need for my health and well-being. No thank you. Then he had the nerve to text me and say he tried calling but it went straight to voicemail, as if I was obligated to answer to him. Fuck that!

He continued texting me the following day and the day after, and to me it was just too much. Apparently, he had a lot of time on his hands, even at his job. By Tuesday I was growing tired of it all, not to mention I either had terrible allergies or something else going on and in no mood to deal with it.

Super Needy Guy kept texting me that he wanted to meet up again to see if there’s any chemistry. I finally told him that honestly, there was no chemistry on my part. I guess that pissed him off, because he said “no more free drinks” (remember, I only had two beers) and that “seems most women play the games their profile says they don’t want. No worries, I will delete your number, I don’t waste time on someone who isn’t interested. No need to text back…” blah blah blah…

Oh. My. God. How dramatic! It was one date and two beers, and I was already exhausted. Talk about a total energy vampire! I reminded him that not only was I working a lot, I was also not feeling well and told him he was too pushy and too fast for my pace and sorry if my two beers seemed like I was playing a game – that it was one date, not a handful.

I never heard from him again, and boy was I glad! But he exhausted me to the point that I didn’t want even want to bother going out on another date. It seriously took me a good week or so to recover. No more energy vampires!

The Return of Douchebags

It seems like they all come out of the woodwork at once. Besides constantly seeing my ex husband with his fiancé all over town, I keep running into these douchebags.

Since my last post, Frat Boy returned my robe, but not before harassing the shit out of me first. He texted me numerous times trying to talk to me, but I was either working, busy, or just not in the mood for dealing with his shit. He filled up my voicemail with stupid messages asking why I’m not speaking to him – filled it up so much that I missed important messages, because there was no room left. That really annoyed the crap out of me. Finally, I told him that the reason I don’t want to speak to him is because of the last incident when he acted like a total ass, to which he replied that I always blame him for something… as if I made him act that way. So I told him to just mail my robe back, because I wasn’t about to have to see him, and I didn’t want him at my house. About a week or so ago, I was sitting at home doing some writing. Frat Boy had pulled up at my house and stuck the robe on my front doorknob. I made sure I bleached it well.

About a month ago, my friend and I went to watch a musician play at a local tavern. I noticed King Nothing there and ignored him. Suddenly, this woman walks up to us and introduces herself to me. She knew my name, and I swear I’d never seen her before. She shook my hand and said it was nice to meet me. I was like wtf? Who are you, and how do you know my name? She said everyone knows who I am. I said who’s everyone, because I rarely go to this place. My friend and I looked at each other like what is this about? She wasn’t even looking at my friend, just me, saying she just wanted to meet me. It was very bizarre. Sure enough, she leaves and it turns out she was there with King Nothing. Why anyone would want to stir up some drama is beyond me, but apparently they deserve each other. What a tool!

I saw Mr. Volatile on Match, and he liked me and messaged me. Apparently, he didn’t even recognize me, even though I still look the same as I did when I dated him six months ago. He had his age listed as 44, even though he’s 51. I replied with “You don’t recognize me? We’ve already met and dated. You might not want to lie about your age on here.” I guess my location threw him off, but he said he liked my photos. Whatever. I said, “I suppose you don’t recognize me, because the entire time we went out to dinner you were checking out other women. Then you ditched me at a bar I didn’t even want to go to. So no wonder you don’t remember.” He had nothing to say after that. Another tool.

I’ve been making a good attempt at going to new places in another city to get away from the madness around here at least once a week. But of course, I just had to run into someone else from the past – a cop that I briefly dated – that turned out to be married but divorced earlier this year. He stood me up on a Friday night around my birthday, so I haven’t kept in touch with him. He offered to buy me a beer, so I agreed. I was showing him something I had been working on and ended up getting another beer. When the bill came, he never paid for the first beer. What a douche!

After not running into him for months now, I saw Orange Crush on Black Friday in the parking lot across from my job, walking into another establishment. He and the guy he was with were looking up where I was standing at my job, while a co-worker and myself were staring down at the parking lot. I’m pretty sure he knows where I work, and at this point, I’m pretty sure he’s still a huge pussy and can’t face me like a man. But I still started shaking again when I saw him. I didn’t think I would still have those feelings that I can’t seem to shake. I’ll be so glad when that finally happens!

Knowing What I Want in a Relationship

It’s been over a year ago that I wrote down exactly what I want in a partner. Finding anyone to fit the criteria has been a challenge. While some people (that have never seen the list) think that I’m setting my expectations too high, I disagree. In my past relationships, I have always settled for less than I want. Maybe I thought I didn’t deserve what I really want or didn’t think it existed, but that got me nowhere in the long run. Even in my recent dating life, I have overlooked some things just because there are no other options (besides sitting home with my cat), and I still felt like I was selling myself short.

The criteria I have set isn’t out of the ordinary. Asking for things like loyalty, honesty, considerate, stable, etc., are just basic things we all want. But believe it or not, even those things can be difficult to come across in the world of dating. Someone that brings out the best in me and appreciates me is not asking for too much. And I don’t care what anyone says – physical attraction has to be there – because I have also settled in the past and ended up repulsed once their true attitude came out.

Earlier this week, someone made a comment to me twice – “No wonder you’re still single at your age.” Really? Still single? I was married for 8 years, so I’m just single again. I’m not settling just to be in a relationship, because I’m not needy like that. And the age comment was just stupid. Plenty of people my age and older have been single for years. Plenty of people my age and older have never even given marriage a shot, so anyone that thinks that me being single is an issue can seriously shove it. And of course, the older we get, the more narrow the dating field is. I’d take being single over being in an unhappy relationship any day of the week.

And I know I’ve said I’m never going on a dating site ever again. But a few people have said to try the Match site, because people have to pay to contact/reply, etc., and it helps filter out a lot of idiots like the free sites and apps. So I went ahead and signed up on Match for three months. The thing I do like about it is they match with what both parties are looking for, even though some are contacting me that clearly do not meet my standards. I’m getting plenty of emails and chatting with some people. I’m not jumping at meeting anyone immediately, because I think it’s important to feel them out for a good week. If they have a “must meet now” attitude, sayonara, because those are usually the types that want to jump into something and turn out to be control freaks. Having respect for my needs is another thing right up there on my list… which is NOT asking for much at all.

A Date with a Redneck

Last year I met a guy on Bumble that seemed to be nice. I will refer to him as Redneck. The first time we met he was dressed nicely and on his best behavior. Then he asked me to be his New Year’s Eve date to watch a band and meet his friends.

Like normal people do on New Year’s Eve, I got dressed up. When I arrived to meet Redneck, he was wearing jeans, a T-shirt with a flannel over it and sneakers. His friends and their wives/girlfriends were also dressed up. He ordered unhealthy food and dessert after telling me about some health issues he was having, so at that point I pretty much determined nothing is going to go further than friendship with Redneck. Oh, yeah, and his profile listed him as 4 years younger than he actually was.

Shortly after I met Redneck, I got really sick for a couple of months that eventually turned into pneumonia. He texted me a few times about going to dinner, but I either wasn’t feeling well or I had to work. A few days later, he’d been at some redneck truck show and then proceeded to invite himself to my house when he was done. I repeated I wasn’t feeling well and was going to bed early. Around 8pm the same day, he called me – sounded drunk and telling me he was eating at Wing House about 40 minutes from me. I didn’t care to talk to him, especially knowing he’d been drinking all day. Again, he said he was coming over when he was done eating. I said it’s already after 8, I’m going to bed soon. And then I saw the other side of Redneck.

Apparently, my health and well-being didn’t matter to Redneck. He started yelling, “No, I’m coming!” At first it was funny until I realized he was both serious and drunk. I said, “NO, I’m going to bed early because I want to get up and do yoga in the morning.” He said “fuck yoga! We can do that all night!” I said, “NO, I’ve been sick, I’m tired, and I don’t want anyone here. By the time you’d get here it will be like 10… that’s too late.”

He seriously started to argue with me that I’m always too busy or making excuses, fuck my excuses… I repeated that I’d been sick and I needed to get well (at this point I hadn’t yet found out I had pneumonia). At that point, he was just sounding like a dick, kept saying, “fuck yoga”, so I thought “fuck you”, hung up on him and never heard back.

About 5 months later, I went back on Bumble, and there he was with the same old, same old. I purposely swiped right to see what he would do. We matched. I told him he really fucked up, to which he replied that I did. Hmm… Nope. He did. I don’t miss him a bit.

Still Seeking Clarity

I sent this to my friend almost exactly one year ago about OC. I had been visiting family for a week when this occurred:

I don’t know what to think. The entire time I was gone up north I barely heard from OC. Last Sunday he said if he didn’t respond it’s because his phone isn’t working right (screen is cracked). I stopped messaging him to see if he’d bother to reply to me at all. He didn’t, but he did post some things on Instagram a couple of days later, so obviously his phone was working then. He liked some of my things on there, but never communicated with me. I sent him something thru the Instagram messaging system of a lion and lioness getting it on… no response. I sent him video of two cats licking each other like lovers – it was obviously me sending sexual references. All he said was that seems like a good way to get a lot of hair in your mouth. That was his only response.

I came home on Thursday. I wondered if he was on Bumble or maybe meeting someone else. So I got on Bumble, and his profile is still on there, but I don’t know if he’s active or not. So I said “I didn’t realize you were still on Bumble.” No response. Then I finally said if you don’t want to see me anymore, just tell me. You’ve been noncommunicative with me. He finally responded saying he’s just been very busy trying to catch up with everything. So I said do you have plans tonight? He said he does… going out to eat w/ his boys and then has to come home to do invoicing. I told him I missed him; he said he missed me, too. That night I found out a friend of mine died earlier this month, so I was upset. I sent him a text saying “I want to hug you so bad right now”. He may have been in bed by then, but NO RESPONSE, even the following day (Friday).

I figured last night he’d take me out to dinner or something, considering I haven’t seen him in over a week now. Never heard from him. Nothing today either (Saturday). I’m assuming he’s working, but there’s no way in hell he’s working THIS much. I’m like WTF!!! This is so weird to me, esp considering we’ve been seeing each other almost 3 months now and have spent so much time together. So I finally sent him a message 30 minutes ago saying:

“I really don’t know what to think at this point. Obviously if you wanted to see me you would have by now, even for five minutes. I feel like I’m doing all the communicating but I’m just speaking to myself. This is very confusing to me. If you met someone else or you got back with your wife or whatever just tell me. This is what happened to (another friend) when she went on vacation and came back to somebody that stopped communicating with her. Then he proceeded to dump her. Is this what you’re doing?”

So far, NO RESPONSE.

(The following morning, I awoke to a text message of him breaking up with me without any actual explanation.)

So what was I not seeing here? Obviously, I felt something was wrong, but if anyone understood how close we were, it still doesn’t make sense to me that it happened this way.

Life is Hard Enough Without Your Bullshit

Shortly after my heartbreak with OC last year, I met and made out with a guy that I somewhat connected with. Nothing ever came of it, because I found out he was back with his ex – and apparently, they break up and get back together often. This has been going on for about five years with them, but I had no idea at the time. For whatever reason, he chose to tell his ex about our encounter, so suddenly I’m a whore and a slut, according to her. Whatthefuckever.

Last week I ran into this guy again, and again, they’d broken up… “She’s psycho, etc.”… same old story from these guys. I have no issue speaking to him, because we have common things to discuss, and we followed each other on Instagram. No biggie. We said goodbye and parted ways.

Less than an hour after that encounter, I got bombarded with messages via Instagram from his ex telling me they are not over and he’s a liar and to stay out of their lives. Say what??? She was obviously “stalking” his Instagram to see who he’s following or whatever. I always take the “my ex is a psycho” phrase with a grain of salt, but this was truly crazy. She went on to say they weren’t done the last time we were talking and then proceeded to tell me he has genital warts. Nice. I told her I have no idea what she’s talking about… and gross… and have fun with your lives. I told her this is ridiculous middle school bullshit and stop contacting me. And then I had to block her.

Whether or not he lied to her or me or whomever – I don’t care. I don’t have feelings for this person and have zero intention of even hanging out with him again. But I will speak to whoever the hell I want to speak to.

I took screenshots of everything and sent it to him, to which he replied, “I told you she’s psycho.” I said, “Well who is more psycho? You keep going back to her. I’m sure you’ll be back within 24 hours. Have fun with your genital whatever you both have now.” Thankfully, I can’t catch anything from talking to him or following on social media!

F*%k Boys Need Not Apply

I don’t know if it’s because it’s summertime or what, but lately I’ve been hearing from guys I haven’t seen or heard from in months or even years. I’ll get a text and have to ask “who is this?” because after a certain period of time, I delete numbers. All of these have happened within the past two weeks.

The other day I received a text from an unknown number asking how I’ve been the past few months. I ask who it is, he gives me a name but it’s such a common name I still don’t know who it is until he gives me the last name. Then he tells me he’s getting divorced and wants to get together for a beer. I wasn’t in a particularly good mood when I received the message, so I’m like great, another one on the rebound, and I’ll get to hear about all of his problems like the rest. All the while, I’m wondering how many other women he’s texting the same thing to. He’s never done anything wrong to me; I’m just over the bullshit with these newly single men.

Also last week, I received a text from someone I hadn’t seen in four years. Four years!! He was from my divorce days when I was into the younger men scene. I recalled all of his texting from back then and how he led me on that we were going to go on a date that evening and suddenly ghosted me – so I reminded him of that. Claiming he is in a different frame of mind now and back to being single, he is looking for something real. I reminded him that our age difference isn’t going to make anything real, and I pretty much know what this is about. His pattern is this: he texts randomly, stops texting or answering questions, then a few days or a week later I’ll hear from him. Then the pattern repeats. We never actually get together, just texting. Who has time for that bullshit? Such a waste of time just chatting about nothing.

Someone I’d met a couple of months ago and never get together in person with also randomly texts me at odd hours… like at 7am – saying things like “I woke up thinking about you today,” which to me, translates to: “I woke up with a hard-on.” I can immediately tell by his texts he wants to sext – but I’m not buying into it. This guy is one of my friend’s neighbors, and we have already determined he’s a player. I know for a fact that he had already texted two other women dick pics and a jerkoff video, so that’s obviously what he’s about. In one day, his texting went from how much he wanted me sexually and kissy faces to complete insults because I told him I didn’t have time to text him morning and night. He insinuated that I didn’t have a “real career” (whatever that means – coming from a spoiled brat) and called me rude for saying I couldn’t text him all the time, then just turned the whole thing around on me. I was at my friend’s house (his neighbor) when this occurred, so we were quite entertained by it all. I said, “Feel free to send me a jerkoff vid or dick pic,” to which he replied that I was a bitch, and “ho be old and drunk”. Suddenly, I was an old drunk ho because I’m too smart to play into his bullshit, but I wasn’t an old drunk ho when he talked about wanting his dick sucked earlier in the day. Just another fuckboy I had to block.

Another guy that texted me recently is someone I’ve known since elementary school. He’s a cop that I don’t trust in the dating realm, and every few months or so he asks what I’m doing, if I’m out, if I’m awake, etc. He also calls me nicknames that I don’t appreciate, and I’ve told him so. Names like “sugar pants” – which I think is completely demeaning and sounds more like a sugar baby hooker or something. Or he calls me names like “trouble” – which is also insulting, because I am not that either. I’ve told him I will answer him when he can call me by my actual name or nothing at all. And he still doesn’t get it.

I just save up all of these texts from fuckboys and use them for blogging material, because that’s about all they’re really worth anyway. Soon, I may be posting some stories from other women friends, because it seems like everyone has some awful dating experience to share.

A Run-In with King Nothing

Over the weekend, our town had a yearly event that my girlfriend and I went to. As soon as we walked into our first stop, King Nothing was standing there. I pretended I didn’t see him, but he purposely bumped into me. I wasn’t sure whether to hit him or twist his nipple (he wasn’t wearing a shirt), but I stopped myself and moved along. (He was the only person in the place not wearing a shirt, which made him look like a complete douche, but he thought he was hot shit.) The only thought that occurred to me after our last exchange was, does he really think I’m going to give into his bullshit? Maybe that’s what other women have done with him, but this one won’t.

As my friend and I were wandering around the place, King Nothing kept showing up near me, and I kept ignoring him… until I felt water on me. I turned around and saw that KN had a squirt gun and thought he was being cute squirting me over and over and over. My friend and I were about to leave anyway, but I thought what a perfect opportunity to dump out the end of my warm beer. As we turned to leave the place, KN was about 5 feet in front of me squirting away. I threw the rest of my beer on his chest, and the surprise on his face was priceless. Everyone else around laughed their asses off, which I’m certain embarrassed his king alpha status. He didn’t look very happy that his king alpha status had been succeeded by a woman.

In the meantime, we exchanged some text messages. Of course, I told him like it is, and he called me psycho. I let him know that’s a typical response from a guy that can’t have his way with me and knows that I’m right… and I’m the QUEEN of that. I haven’t heard back from him since. No big deal. I’m sure I’ll run into him again trying to impress a lady or two or four around town. Maybe next time he sees me he’ll put his tail between his legs where it belongs.

A Date with King Nothing

(**As I write this, I can’t help but sing Metallica’s “King Nothing” in my head.)

I met King Nothing a few months ago on Tinder; he seemed like he might be a good match. Seemed is the key word here. While we had a lot in common and he was within my preferable age range, he claimed he’d been single for a over a year and had been living alone for a year. Initially, I thought he’d said he had been married 13 years, but it turns out I didn’t hear him correctly. It was 23 years – big difference when someone has only been single for a year! And technically, he is still not divorced, but the paperwork has been filed – all part of my “just say no” rules. He assured me that he was definitely over his ex and had already rebounded. Still, my guard was up, because I’d dealt with this too many times before.

King Nothing was in touch with me for a few days and then seemed to have fallen off the earth. When he finally contacted me, he’d said his dad had just died, so we met out to talk about it. I figured he was going through a lot between that and the divorce, so being friends won’t be an issue. We kept in touch a few more weeks, but I left him alone to let him grieve and contact me when he was ready.

I’m very up front about what I want when I’m dating. Not only do I put it on my online dating profiles, I tell people to their faces “this is what I’m looking for,” so there should be no misunderstandings. But bad listeners or narcissists don’t give a rat’s ass one way or another. I was hearing from King Nothing so sporadically and inconsistently, I reminded him that I am looking for something substantial, not just someone randomly texting me when he’s bored and definitely not a booty call. If friendship was all it was going to be, it also has to work both ways. At this point, we hadn’t even kissed anyway, but I didn’t want to invest time with anyone that has no intention of moving forward. And I certainly don’t want to be dating someone that’s screwing around with other women.

Eventually, King Nothing asked me on a “real” date to his house where he was cooking dinner. This was actually shocking; I hadn’t had a man cook me a meal in three years! When I arrived at his house, I was even more shocked, because the place was beautiful and in a prime waterfront location, and I’d only seen the place from the outside. Dinner was good, and conversation was good, even though I’d heard more than enough about his “psycho” ex and all of their problems… another red flag, especially the “psycho ex” that I want no part of. I told him I was going to start charging him $2/minute every time he brought her up, because it was all he talked about each time we got together. We had some drinks, we kissed. I stayed the night so I didn’t have to drive home buzzed, but no sex. I wanted to be sure this guy really liked me and wasn’t playing games.

Again, after the date, I’d hear from King Nothing about every other week. This was a pattern that I knew all too well. I felt I was probably being played, he’s probably dating multiple women with no intention of settling down and moving on. It turns out I was right.

The last time I heard from King Nothing, he asked what I was doing. Since it had been raining nonstop, I replied that I was about to bang my head against the wall with all of the rain and being stuck inside. He replied, “Do you want to bang something else?” I told him I wasn’t interested in being someone’s booty call. He told me to get a sense of humor. I told him I already had one, and that was the last time I heard from him.

So why did I name him King Nothing? He refers to himself on social media as an alpha male (who I also suspect is easily pussy whipped) and a King (capitalized). Then I found out that while King Nothing was “busy” and “dealing with things” during all of those times I wasn’t hearing from him, he’d been consistently seeing and sleeping with other women around town. And not just one or two – several. I had suspected something, but not that. Does he think he’s the King of Women? More like the King of Drama and Bullshit. I had to move on from this guy. If someone is going to be calling himself a King, he’d better damn well know how to treat a lady like a Queen. Where’s your crown, King Nothing?

Why I Don’t Date Cops

When I was in my late 20s I ended up in a phase of dating cops. I guess it started when I came out of a very short but abusive relationship and had to have a restraining order on the person. For whatever reason, I suppose dating cops made me feel “safe,” but I couldn’t have been more wrong. For the most part, every one of them turned out to be liars and cheaters. One in particular turned out to be married with a pregnant wife, even though he claimed he’d never been married. Not too long afterwards, he turned out to be a dirty cop and ended up getting fired and having his name all over the local news.

Recently, I was using the Bumble app to meet people for outdoor activities. I matched with someone that had common interests, but we lived a distance from each other. After chatting with him for a while, I decided I wanted to meet him, because he seemed genuinely nice and said sometimes he comes to my area. He also happened to be a police officer, which usually would turn me off, but he seemed very unlike the typical arrogant nutty cop.

We arranged to meet at a sports bar, and I was immediately both comfortable with and attracted to him – which is really unusual for me. We had a lot in common that I don’t find in other people, and the connection was strong. He complimented me and built me up, told me how much he likes my energy and we agreed that we were both equally connected to one another. He told me how much he liked my artwork and that he’s an art collector. I was also impressed that he’s more intelligent than a lot of men that I meet – that he actually reads books and believes in many of the same spiritual things that I do.

I hadn’t felt this way since I dated OC a year ago, which worried me. I was worried, because I don’t want to be hurt again, and the worry grew when all Sgt. Flip wanted to do was text me and never speak to me on the phone. Now, if someone is working, I can understand if he cannot speak on the phone. But the times he wasn’t working he was busy texting me instead of having a real conversation like an adult. Then it just annoyed me that a middle aged man didn’t want to speak to me for whatever reason but feigned interest in me. I began to notice he was either avoiding some of my questions or didn’t bother reading them or felt it unnecessary to answer me. Who knows. It was two days prior to the arrangement we had made for him to come visit me, and I still didn’t know if he was coming for sure or at what time. He just refused to call me, which I felt was completely odd and shady, and made me think he was with someone else – because that has been my past experience.

By then I grew frustrated, because I felt I was being played. I felt he was playing typical cop games, and I didn’t appreciate someone who supposedly liked me to treat me as such. I mean, how difficult is it to just call someone that you’re making plans to visit? I expressed my concern with him that I clearly see he was avoiding questions, and I was beginning to feel like he’s a typical cop and I don’t have time for games. I let him know that I was suspicious, as any woman would be.

He flipped a switch on me so fast, I thought it was a completely different person I was texting. I guess calling Sgt. Flip out on his bullshit and calling him a typical cop struck a nerve, because then he came back at me full speed. Instead of calling me like a real man would have to straighten out the situation, Sgt. Flip called me a “serial dater who blogs about her screwed up dating experiences like a wannabe ‘Sex in the City’ character.” He claimed he’d been completely honest with me and now I’m “throwing away a completely honest guy.” And then Sgt. Flip said this: “your writing is awful and your ‘art’ is even worse. Sorry, not sorry. You’re blocked.”

Wow. I wasn’t throwing anyone away – I simply wanted  Sgt. Flip to call me the way a man who is truly interested in me and cared about me would. So I guess he was fake liking me the entire time and fake liked my art? I suppose he was faking that he was even coming to visit me at all, since he decided it was okay not to call me and have a conversation about it. I hadn’t even realized he bothered to read my blog, because he never once mentioned it to me… (which is obviously far from Sex in the City, since there is NO sex in my blog…) also making me wonder if he actually read the content.

I’ve been single for four and a half years after having been married for eight, so yeah, I date people, because that’s what single people do, right? It’s not like dating is fun. I just haven’t found the right person, and after this incident, I don’t really care to meet anyone anymore. It just seems like a lot of work, a lot of unnecessary games, and a complete waste of time and energy for a shitty result.

Anyone that knows me and truly understands me and my writing and all of the bullshit I’ve dealt with would never say those hurtful words to me. All of this all because I wanted a phone call, and Sgt. Flip couldn’t handle that. And that is why I don’t date cops.

Three Strikes, He’s Out

About a year and a half ago, I’d met a 49-year-old guy on Tinder that seemed nice. He wasn’t the type that I would normally go for, but everyone kept telling me to try something different. So I did, but the result wasn’t any better.

Since I’m a really outdoorsy person, we agreed to go fishing on the first date – and Three Strikes was supposed to teach me how to fish. I had bought a new purple fishing pole (my favorite color) and hadn’t been able to use it. We met at a loading dock and went off on his boat. He was very personable and I felt safe, but I wasn’t sure if the attraction was there. He talked a lot about his mother, which should have been a red flag. Either way, I’m up for having fun and making friends if nothing more is there. We weren’t out for very long before the clouds moved in and moved us out of the water very quickly. By the time we got to the dock, it started pouring, so we sat in his truck to wait it out so we could retrieve the boat and our belongings inside.

What I didn’t know was that Three Strikes had left my brand new fishing pole on the dock instead of leaving it in the boat, and someone stole it. He was very apologetic, and I said no big deal, it can be replaced. He claimed he’d replace it, and I didn’t have a doubt that he would. We hugged goodbye and kept in touch.

On the second date with Three Strikes, he was on his way out of town, and we met at a cafe for lunch. Something I ordered gave me a sudden allergic reaction. I still don’t know what caused it, but it was a scary feeling that I had to let subside. Three Strikes seemed understanding, but then he said something really freaking stupid. He asked me if I was sure it wasn’t menopause, because of my age. WTF.

At the time I think I was only 43 or 44, but I looked at him like he had three heads and told him that I wasn’t quite up there yet. I thought it was rude for him to even suggest that, especially since he really knew nothing about me, but I still wasn’t feeling well enough to process it. I told him I know my body, and I know the difference between an allergy attack and something hormonal. I forgave him, since I figured most men say stupid things to women anyway.

The third strike came shortly after the menopause comment. Three Strikes, always coming from out of town or leaving and seemingly elusive, decided to stop by my place to say hi. It was probably 80 degrees outside, and I may not have had my a/c running, but I had fans and was comfortable indoors. However, I was dressed appropriately in shorts and a tshirt for the weather; he was in jeans and a long sleeved shirt. We were chatting (probably about his mother lol) and drinking a beer. He started sweating profusely and suddenly had to leave to let out his dog. As he was walking out the door, he said, “Your house is really hot.” I was a little taken aback by his comment, because it just came out of the blue. Again, I didn’t process his comment right away, but once he left I realized I should have suggested he was going through menopause.

After that, I decided that Three Strikes was enough. Not only did he never replace my fishing pole as promised (even after telling me he’d bought one), but his insulting comments were red flags. There was no physical attraction whatsoever at that point, and we hadn’t even kissed. Not a loss. He texted me a couple of months later, but I’d already deleted his number and had to ask who he was. When he sent a selfie on his boat, I never responded and never heard back from him again.

Another Dating Chapter Done

If you have read my first book, “Unheard,” you’ll understand the type of mindfucking I had to deal with as a child. As an adult, I guess I have been attracted to what I know, even though it’s not what I want and I don’t necessarily recognize it. But now I think I do.

It has taken me several months to get over OC, and I know I am for sure done with my feelings for him, except maybe feelings of disgust. I suppose I was more obsessed with the idea of finding out why things ended the way they did (a text without any explanation) that I was blinded to the fact that he’s a narcissistic mindfuck. What happened recently resulted in me finally seeing that lightbulb finally shine.

I’ve been on Bumble, mostly bored, because I really never meet anyone in person from there. The other day, OC’s face showed up. I saw that he had updated his profile to his current age but still fails to be truthful about his marital status (claims to be single but has never filed for divorce). Just for the hell of it, I swiped right on his, not imaging he’d do the same. Three days later, we matched up. I was shocked. I don’t know if it was a mistake or what, but he had an opportunity to unmatch it, which he did not. I had no intention of ever dating him again, because I no longer trust him; I just wanted answers. He’s had ample opportunity to apologize for being a complete douche to me and give me the truth I deserve. I thought maybe this time I’d have it. I got the answer, alright.

Since women have to be the first to initiate conversation on the Bumble app, I took the opportunity to only say, “Well this is a surprise.” He had 24 hours to reply or the app automatically unmatches. I know for certain he saw my message, but he didn’t respond. It really aggravated me that after all of the shit he put me through, he would take the time to match with me and never even say boo. I asked if he was just playing games again… no reply, which was my answer. The fucker is playing games with me, I thought. How rude and immature and unnecessary! What kind of a person does that?? A narcisicistic asshole!

Once I realized he was playing some mindfuck game with me, I decided enough is enough with me allowing this person to screw with my head and emotions. About three hours prior to the app automatically unmatching us, I deleted him.

It’s exactly what I needed to do in order to make myself feel better and move onto the next chapter of my life. I instantly felt liberated that I had finally taken control of the situation, and I felt a huge sense of relief that I had been yearning for for several months. It was like a weight lifted off of me, and I can feel that lost part of myself coming back. And he can shove his man-child games right up his ass, because I deserve a hell of a lot better than that.

The Most Boring Kayaking Date

Sometime last year, prior to meeting Orange Crush, I met someone that lived a few streets from me. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea or not to try to date someone so close, but it sure made it convenient. We only saw each other a few times anyway. He was too young for me and incredibly boring. After the second meet up, I didn’t hear from him for about a month. When I did hear from him, he told me he had an extra spot open for someone to go on a kayaking trip with him to Marco Island… and everything was paid for. I didn’t ask too many questions about details, but it sounded like it might be fun. (At this point, I had been on two dates with OC.)

Since he said he had “an extra spot,” I had assumed there would be other people going. It wasn’t until the drive there that I learned we would be the only two on the trip. Of course, I had to ask the details of why there was this extra spot. It turns out he was actually dating someone that he had previously told me were only friends, but it was short lived, and they broke up. Interesting, I thought.

The 7-hour drive mostly consisted of catching up, with me asking most of the questions and initiating conversation. It was also seven hours of listening to country music, because he didn’t seem to like anything else. Now, don’t get me wrong – I like country music, but not for seven freaking hours. The only music that played that I really liked was Chris Stapleton. I was going to scream if I heard “Buy Me a Boat” for the umpteenth time.

The trip went nothing like I’d expected or hoped. The first evening was fine, and he was on his best behavior, but that changed the following day. Between the weather and him having us do all of the things he wanted to do, I didn’t get to experience kayaking to an island or somewhere that we’d talked about. Then he began doing some things that really pissed me off – just immature, rude things. For example, we had to put our kayaks in from a dock during low tide, so it was difficult to maneuver without tipping over. He helped put them in the water, I helped hold his kayak so he could get in. But when it was my turn to get in, he thought it was okay to paddle away from me and leave me struggling to get in on my own. I thought that was a dick move.

When we got back, we’d planned to find a place to eat. But he was also acting very strange and played on his phone – on Bumble, no less! He said he was trying to find someone else to hang out with us (another female), and I thought that was incredibly rude. When we went out to eat, he sat in the front of the Uber we called. Another dick move.

At that point, I felt pretty trapped. I was 3 hours away from my closest relatives and 7 from my own home. I just wanted to leave. I ended up paying for my own dinner that night, because I wanted nothing more from this asshole, and he’d already made some snide comments about paying for something. And then he asked me to pay for the Uber ride back – and again sat in the front seat! We’d discussed doing something after dinner, because it was still early, but when we got back to the room, he’d changed his mind. He was still playing on Bumble, and I guess maybe he got mad that someone he was talking to didn’t want to meet. By then, I’d had enough of his bullshit, and I asked him why in the hell did he even invite me if he’s trying to hook up with other women and act like a dick to me. I left to walk down to a bar around the corner. I was gone for a few hours, and he started texting me all concerned and apologizing.

When I got back to the room, he spent the rest of the night playing on his phone. The next morning, he’d planned an offshore fishing trip in which I was super glad I didn’t go, because they got back late, he caught nothing, and it was chilly that day – plus there was no canopy on the tiny boat. We had to leave that afternoon, and I couldn’t wait. It was mainly seven excruciating hours of listening to country music and silence. After he dropped me off, he hugged me, I thanked him, and we never contacted each other again. That evening, I had my third date with OC.

A Failed Lunch Date with Mr. Retired Military

Please pay the bill so I can leave. 

Someone I’d started talking to on Tinder about a year ago disappeared until recently. This time, I saw him on Bumble looking for a long-term relationship. Retired military. Similar interests. A couple of years older than me. We agreed to finally meet in person for lunch and possibly the beach afterwards. I decided to basically dress in beach wear, which included a tank top and shorts over my bathing suit. I certainly wasn’t dressed to impressed, but if a man is going to like me, he’d better learn I don’t like to wear much makeup or get all fancy just to eat lunch.

He arrived before me, had ordered a beer. Within 30 seconds of meeting, I knew immediately that it wasn’t going to work. He was definitely not into me whatsoever. He didn’t look me in the face when he spoke, which is a huge indicator of low self-esteem and possibly deception. During the entire conversation, he never asked me a thing about myself except if I had kids or not. He spoke entirely about himself, the women he’s dated over the past several months, the threesome with some 20-something year olds, his sex drive, and he made inappropriate comments about other women that came into the restaurant.

For example, he made a comment about a young woman (probably in her early 20s) that she was super skinny. Another comment he made about a different young woman (also probably 20s) that her ass was too narrow. I reminded him of her age and told him she’s proportional. It was quite irritating to be on a “date” with someone making these comments, all the while I’m wondering what he’s judging on my own body. But I really didn’t give a shit, since I know nothing is perfect when you’re 45, and without surgery, it’s not going to get any better! I sat there thinking I can’t wait for this date to end.

The conversation went to health issues, of which he has some major stuff going on. He told me all about his prostate and other issues with his ballsack, so I decided fair game and began talking about my period. That shut him up really quick.

Then he started telling me all about his crazy ex-girlfriend (apparently, her social media still has “in a relationship” with him and a lot of their photos) and another woman he dated… said she was crazy, even had those “crazy eyes” that his friends warned him about. He showed me a photo of them together, which I thought was tacky as shit, but yes she did have those crazy eyes. I asked how long ago they dated, and here’s where it gets interesting. They met at the very end of December. Now this is only the middle of February, so obviously they didn’t last long and he’s already back on the dating sites. Oh and did I forget to mention the many chicks that spend the night on the boat he lives on and the ones he hooks up with at his favorite bar? Classy!

After about a two-hour lunch, he was checking his phone and texting his friends that wanted him to meet them downtown to go drinking. A few minutes later he tells me he’s going to go. I was still sitting there with half of a beer left thinking how rude of him!! He actually left me sitting there at a table by myself, so I gritted my teeth, shook my head, and walked up to the bar and had a nice conversation with the bartender about what a douche my date was.

Later that evening, Mr. Retired Military texted me that he was back at his boat, and he could fall asleep. I replied, “I bet,” to which he replied, “You can come sleep also.”

Me: Yeah I will at my house.
Him: Good choice.
Me: I know boundaries. Plus I already know you’re not interested in me whatsoever.

No reply. Douche.

Orange Crush – A Love Story

(**Note: This is a true story that happened to me last summer.)

They met on a dating app. Chatted a bit before finally meeting up at a local hangout. She ordered a beer. He ordered an Orange Crush. They clicked immediately. Said their goodbyes and planned another date for the weekend.

A bonfire. Her friends. He was charming and likeable. He excited her. The conversations and make-out sessions were incredible. He was fun and funny and nurturing, which is what she needed. They had just about everything in common – their beliefs, their activities, the things they wanted out of life. She had never felt this way before, not even when she was married.

She held back on sex. She was skeptical. He, on the other hand, was just having fun. She wasn’t aware of his intentions, but they grew closer and she trusted him. Eight dates later, she gave herself to him. He made her cum three times.

Intense. Intimate. She met some of his family. Two months. She knew she was falling for him, but she couldn’t tell him. She was afraid of rejection, because he hadn’t expressed his feelings to her. But he had made comments that reflected they’d have a future together, talking plans of things months in advance. He’d assured her that he wanted to be with her and it would take something big to make him leave. She insisted she did not want her heart broken again. He held her as though he loved her, held her in a way no one ever had. Whether or not he loved her, she would never know.

Three months into it, she went to visit her family for a week. Figured the break would make them closer. She’d sent friendly texts while she was away. He barely responded. Maybe he was working a lot. Maybe he was just busy or tired. Then she started to panic. Gut feelings about no responses.

She returns from her trip. He wasn’t even aware she was back. As if they were only part-time acquaintances and nothing more. Her heart was sinking into her stomach. What had happened?

He finally messages her. He was busy. He wasn’t avoiding her. He missed her. She smiled for the first time in a few days.

The communication stopped again. She still hadn’t seen him in over a week. He didn’t seem to be in a hurry to see her again. She assumed he’d gone back to his ex or met someone else, because that’s what men do. So she asked him. He replied that he did not. That he needed to get some things in his life together. No other explanation. All text messages.

The communication stopped completely. She was left clueless and dumbfounded. She poured her heart out to him. She realized she was in love for the first time in several years. He blocked her as if she meant nothing. He was her Orange Crush.

Then Someone Talked Me Into Tinder…

When I initially started Tinder swiping, I had no idea what I was doing, so I swiped left on everyone. Also, my settings were for such a wide mileage and age range, I was getting people from their 20s to 50s, most of them too far away. Then I started over, because I finally figured out how to work the app. I met a few people that never lasted more than one meet up. Usually, they were too immature or not who they claimed to be.

The first guy I met from Tinder was close to my age, claimed to be 5’10” in his profile. He was a serial vaper, held no conversation whatsoever, and didn’t even offer to pay for my bottled water at the place we met. He seemed more into his obnoxious vaping and himself than anything else. Truly a boring experience! As we left the place, when he stood up, he was much closer to my own height of 5’4”, which made him a liar, too. Neither of us contacted the other again, and I never saw him again. No loss there.

Another guy was maybe 5 years younger, former military, and talked a lot about himself. We saw each other a few times until I realized he was batshit crazy and a player. He’s been in a long-term relationship since.

There was one Tinder date that led to more dates, and he was much younger than me… by like 15 years. He was former military, tattooed, and bearded… and extremely short. Like my height. We had a nice time together until he was extremely late (45 minutes to an hour) meeting up more than once or just blew me off altogether. I’d had enough of him wasting my time and told him so. It turned out he’d met someone else and didn’t have the balls to tell me. But this guy kept in touch with me, I suppose “just in case”, because he contacted me again after they’d broken up until he moved onto the next girlfriend that he’s currently with.

I had my fair share of younger guys wanting to date me. Why not give them a chance, I thought? I mean, if Demi Moore and Madonna can do it, why can’t I? After all, I certainly wasn’t looking to get married again, and I needed to have fun. Plus, they made me feel young and wanted again. It was kind of a refreshing self-esteem booster after having been crushed and feeling unattractive. But that didn’t last long either, because I was done raising children. Yes, these guys in their 20s were fun, but that was it. They could offer me nothing. They were takers, not givers. At that point, I was done with Tinder, because it seemed like there was no one my age using it at the time.

And then some girlfriends introduced me to someone unexpectedly… to be continued.