If you have read my first book, “Unheard,” you’ll understand the type of mindfucking I had to deal with as a child. As an adult, I guess I have been attracted to what I know, even though it’s not what I want and I don’t necessarily recognize it. But now I think I do.
It has taken me several months to get over OC, and I know I am for sure done with my feelings for him, except maybe feelings of disgust. I suppose I was more obsessed with the idea of finding out why things ended the way they did (a text without any explanation) that I was blinded to the fact that he’s a narcissistic mindfuck. What happened recently resulted in me finally seeing that lightbulb finally shine.
I’ve been on Bumble, mostly bored, because I really never meet anyone in person from there. The other day, OC’s face showed up. I saw that he had updated his profile to his current age but still fails to be truthful about his marital status (claims to be single but has never filed for divorce). Just for the hell of it, I swiped right on his, not imaging he’d do the same. Three days later, we matched up. I was shocked. I don’t know if it was a mistake or what, but he had an opportunity to unmatch it, which he did not. I had no intention of ever dating him again, because I no longer trust him; I just wanted answers. He’s had ample opportunity to apologize for being a complete douche to me and give me the truth I deserve. I thought maybe this time I’d have it. I got the answer, alright.
Since women have to be the first to initiate conversation on the Bumble app, I took the opportunity to only say, “Well this is a surprise.” He had 24 hours to reply or the app automatically unmatches. I know for certain he saw my message, but he didn’t respond. It really aggravated me that after all of the shit he put me through, he would take the time to match with me and never even say boo. I asked if he was just playing games again… no reply, which was my answer. The fucker is playing games with me, I thought. How rude and immature and unnecessary! What kind of a person does that?? A narcisicistic asshole!
Once I realized he was playing some mindfuck game with me, I decided enough is enough with me allowing this person to screw with my head and emotions. About three hours prior to the app automatically unmatching us, I deleted him.
It’s exactly what I needed to do in order to make myself feel better and move onto the next chapter of my life. I instantly felt liberated that I had finally taken control of the situation, and I felt a huge sense of relief that I had been yearning for for several months. It was like a weight lifted off of me, and I can feel that lost part of myself coming back. And he can shove his man-child games right up his ass, because I deserve a hell of a lot better than that.
Sometimes I wish that we could all mindread, but then I remember that at least a third of the human race have thoughts I probably would not like to know!
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If only he could have properly communicated. I asked for closure, told him I deserved it if nothing else. He couldn’t face me, which made me think he found someone else, even though he claimed he hadn’t.